Battles

@MissGremlin sweetheart, how you manage to get through each day while being an amazing, amazing support to others is quite a feat. You may not feel like it but you are stronger than you realise.
It doesn't help in how you feel I know but your kindness and empathy shows a person who deserves the utmost care and compassion.

Sending prayers your way darlingheart. I hope the rest of this week is a little kinder to you xoxo

Hello @ENKELI sweetheart, thankyou for the kind words. I really don't feel strong especially when I have days like today where I'm struggling to communicate. I've got several posts that I've been tagged in and I just can't reply to them 😞. I'm really starting to get worried about being homeless cos I can't get another house as there's nothing i can afford and housing SA won't even help me nor will any of the other services.

Those prayers are very much needed and appreciated right now although I don't feel like i deserve it as I've strayed so far from my faith cos of everything I've been through. I know i shouldn't doubt and it makes me feel like a sh!t person for doing so but it's hard when so much bad stuff happens with no break in sight.

Sorry for the negative spill, it's been a bit of a day today and I'm just feeling defeated (I'm safe).

Thankyou for your support always, sending you love and hugs beautiful ❤️.

@ENKELI i got a nice little surprise. Just after I posted to you I had a couple of visitors being my son and his girlfriend who just got back from New York and she brought me some little goodies back ☺️.

@MissGremlin as we say, the enemy always gets you when you're down. You feel as though you have the faith of a mustard seed and like you're a crappy person and don't deserve anything because of that.

I wish God would sort out your situation in a favourable manner, that there was something that could be done.

Don't feel guilty that you don't have the strength to reply to posts you're tagged in. I know that feeling all too well and even today while I am feeling better than previous days, there are some posts I can't engage in. It is exhausting just trying to survive and keep yourself safe. And you never have to apologise for your negative post. There are some people who all they do is speak about the negative things in their lives and don't see how lucky they actually are. You are not one of those people.

Darling Dreamy, my heart hurts for you and with you.

Time to step up the prayers. C'mon Lord, give this beautiful child of Yours a break!

You mentioned your son and his girlfriend just returned from New York. Are they able to assist you in any way?

@ENKELI so very true. I still believe but just have alot of doubt aswell, it feels very conflicting at times.

I really just want things to be ok, i don't want to lose this house cos then I'll lose everything and my world will fall apart again, I can't go through that again, I just can't 😞.

I still have posts from the other day to catch up on but I've been focused on the shorter ones so I don't overwhelm myself. I'm glad you are feeling better than previous days, always here for you sweetheart ❤️. Sometimes it's hard to find the positives when there's so much negative but this is why I have my sock thread and also post my quotes when I can and my crafts, it's a reminder that there's still little things that bring those little glimmers of light.

Thankyou sweetheart ❤️.

Unfortunately not. My son lives with my mother and he's only 17.

@MissGremlin If your support button is working, that's all you need to do if you're not up to replying. If it's not working that's okay too.

Reply when you feel up to it.

Apologies, I didn't realise your son is only 17, I thought him going on a trip to the US for some reason he was older.

When I am struggling (which is often!) I tell myself that I am holding on to the hem. For me that means that I am holding on to the hem of Jesus' robe and that is all I can manage.

Having to cope with rent increase is bad enough on its own without adding MH and other afflictions.

Is there something you can do at the moment just to lower your anxiety for even a little bit?

I'm glad your sock and meme threads help you, I have also asked my prayer circle to up their prayers for you as well. (I have told them the basics for additional privacy for you xoxo)

@ENKELI some posts are ok to just support without needing a reply but others when I'm tagged directly i do try my best to reply. But for now I'm just focusing on a few threads and simple posts and reminding myself that it's ok to do so.

My son didn't go there but his girlfriend did with her family.

That's a beautiful way to look at it, still holding on even if it's only just ❤️.

It's just been such a hard time and the fact that I was already struggling so much before the rent increase it just feels like another really big hit when i was already down. I have an appointment with housing SA on Monday even though I know they can't do anything as they said on the phone but it's just going through the motions in the hopes that just maybe something will change.

I did build bag 2 of my Lego set but packed it away after that as my focus just isn't there. I have nbn people coming out tomorrow and I'm so worried about having men around and inside my house. For now I'm laying in bed with Casper and watching Buffy and Angel.

Thankyou sweetheart, i really do appreciate it so much ❤️.

Morning @MissGremlin , I've haven't been on the last 2 days and just saw your poem now - thank you for tagging me. 😊

I hear you. I can understand and empathise with those feelings too. I wish I could say something that would help - but I also expect that just because I am glad you're still around doesn't help you feel like you want to be (I know its the case for me when we're in opposite situations lol). I am hoping and hoping and wishing that something shifts within you, something can lift and change how you feel and give you want.

Can I ask the main reasons behind your feeling/wish?

e.g. "Anxiety / panic attacks are too debilitating everyday"; "Life is so exhausting"; "I don't see any meaning/purpose"; "I don't enjoy any part of life at all"; "Physical pain is constant"; "Traumatic flashbacks are constantly disturbing", etc etc.

I'm also trying to recall how long it has been for you, at this severity of constant SI/desire?

(Absolutely no judgement! I have friends for whom they have only had it for a short time like a week, or have it longterm but non-chronic like 5 times a year, or like myself where it's been 25 years -- so absolutely no value judgements on this, just asking for context/consideration)

As always - you don't have to answer. I am just aware there are so many reasons that different people feel this way.

Just scrolled up and see both the Stitch gift you got @MissGremlin 😍 that is so lovely of your son! I hope they had a great time in NY. I like travelling, so of course I picked up on this small detail to comment on haha.

Also wanted to say I am so glad and thankful @ENKELI has also been supporting you & chatting here 😊 🤗.

I hope to be online a bit today - first to try to catch up on my missed tags lol, then maybe this evening again too.

I hope to do one more of my language study assessments today - it's the last thing I have access to do now other than the practical ones that I am waiting to hear the video-call date/time for. Been waiting over a week for them to decide on the new date for sometime in the next 2 weeks.

Tomorrow (Friday) I don't think I will get to be online, unless early in the morning, because I have a lot of things on all throughout the day.

@AlwaysMyself i really want to reply to your post but I'm stuck with people here working on my internet. I don't have stable internet connection and don't like replying on my 5g too much. But I'm also incredibly overwhelmed and uncomfortable with having 2 men in my house. So i will reply as soon as I can.