Safe Now

Thanks @tyme

@tyme

I have good news but you probably know about it already.

Thanks for noticing I expressed cautious upset, and caring @Oaktree

I have known his father was German for about 9 years, and walked inclusively, carefully and diplomatically around it. I feel sometimes my peacemaking is taken for granted. If people don’t care or enquire politely or with care about my dead people, maybe that can be understood, as they did not know them and their struggles. He shouldn’t get so much sympathy and leeway, and he shouldn’t be dismissive of my grief and trauma load. I had to say something.

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@Oaktree wrote:

@tyme

I have good news but you probably know about it already.

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If we're on the same page, yes 🙂

Hi @Appleblossom

Sorry hun I was driving home.

I am so sorry that you were hurt.

I deeply care about your feelings.

Hugs to you and much sympathy sent to you

You have compassion @Oaktree thank you 🙏

@Appleblossom @Till23 @tyme @Jynx @RiverSeal

I had a difficult session with my psychologist today about some childhood trauma. It’s very confusing trying to have adult relationships with people that hurt you as a child when they were also children. They were older than me and should have known it was wrong but I have to look at what they were going through too. They learnt the behaviour from adults. As I said I am very confused… I don’t know what I think. I am trying to work things out in my head. One person owns what he did but another person would deny it if I brought it up with her so there is no point. I would like it if people would acknowledge responsibility for what happened to me as a child.

@Oaktree you are doing the work and reflecting. So many injustices do happen. Honour your survival. Holding space for the realities of other peoples issues is broad and often contradictory and confusing. Sibling relationships are complicated. I have had to let go the possibilities of me getting closure from others, but mainly work on myself. Life was just too hard for everyone around me.

Often it can be collateral damage, but if it hurt, it’s tough.

I am glad you have a decent psychologist.

Thank you for sharing. That sounds like you are holding onto a lot. I hear the pain of even thinking about those who have wronged you in the past. @Oaktree

I think what keeps me, is that I don't hate the person for what they have done as a way to help myself feel better, but I do not accept their behaviour.

I guess people are going through their own stuff and we never know what drives them to do what they do. However, I have experienced that holding onto that hurt only, in the long run, hurts me more.

I know that it can be different, but I just want you to know that your feelings are valid. As confusing as they are, I hope you find a way to work through them.

Hiya @Oaktree - I hear you hun, these can be such muddy waters of moral ambiguity, and sometimes it feels like having that clarity might help us to make sense of it all.

I think @Appleblossom said it really well - holding space for nuance and complexity can be incredibly challenging, especially when we also have a strong sense of justice.

Asking ourselves these questions and sitting in that uncertainty can be so challenging, I commend you for it 💜💪