I'm lost and it kills me inside

@ParalyzedIve just listened to the song you were listening to..Brave Soul. I cant hear it without crying for others. Gratefully, my life hasnt been affected by suicide. Im so glad you get to share music with your beloved brother. Music is my everything too. Stay brave.

@Paralyzed great, i cant wait to hear. U sound hilarious. I honestly dont know one funny person in my life. No hurry in responding. Its not like waiting for social media recognition instantly.

@Paralyzed I'm glad it's been helpful to read these messages to you. It's so good to get things out and know that you're not alone with how you are feeling. If only we could meet people in the real world like the ones on here. I've met alot of kind and compassionate people on here and it's amazing to know that people like that still exist cos I've been hurt by so many people in real life.

I have absolutely no friends or family in real life so having the community here means everything to me.

Thankyou for your kind words, it would be so nice to actually live rather than just exist. I've been in a dark place for a while now and some days feel like there's only one way out but others I'm able to find that little bit of hope to keep going. At the moment I'm living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day just trying to get through.

We can do this together, we can find that life that we deserve. Music is amazing and can be so powerful and I'm glad you have that connection with your younger brother and you can share that with each other. I love to blast music to drown my thoughts and the world out.

"I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and I feel like I can relate in so many ways to what you’ve shared. I'ts so amazing you have decided to come back and reach out for support, you should be proud of yourself. One thing that has helped me along the way is understanding that trauma isn’t just about what physically happens to us in that moment, but also about what happens afterward — how we react, how we cope, and how we carry those experiences with us. It’s not easy, but acknowledging those patterns and allowing ourselves to process them is part of the healing journey."
here for support 🙂

@Dizzy4 I remember the day he shared Brave Soul with me; I had my headphones on and played it on max volume, and then played it on repeat and embraced all the feels ❤️

Within seconds, I was balling my eyes out, and that is one reason music is so invaluable to me: my mind and body respond, and I can feel.

My username on here is a song where every single lyric is relatable, and it is me in one song. I share this song with my mental healthcare providers during our initial meet and greet. It has saved my life in a literal sense more times than I care to remember. The artist is NF, and I swear he writes his music about my life!! I have his name tattooed on my leg, and I've seen him live twice.

These two songs will tell you everything about me that I am unable to express myself.

NF - paralyzed

Lucidious - Alien

When I was admitted to the hospital in 2023, the song "Won't Back Down" by Lucidious became my fight song, and it still is.

The theme song for My Life is "All That Really Matters" by ILLENIUM. I look forward to the day when I can fully feel and receive love again and give it back.

Thank you for sharing @Paralyzed . That is amazing that you can find such attachment and solace to some powerful songs in your life. That is remarkable.

And who knows? Do you think these choice of songs will change in the future?

@Former-Member

Wow, I thought I was reading one of my replies for a moment, and I had to stop and check if it was mine or yours!!

You took the words right out of my mouth, and just today, I said the same thing while on a phone call: 'I am existing, not living'! I say this often, and I am doing everything I can to get the help I need to start living.

I have said to my psychiatrist and psychologist many times, what is the point of existing in this human experience, as a human being, if I am numb to most of the feelings and emotions that are vital for humans to exist? And I don't crave or desire human connection.

I am Artificial Intelligence (AI) disguised as a human, LOL.

@Paralyzed it's such a true statement in situations like this. I don't remember the last time I was living and not just existing. I'm trying hard to get back to that point of really living and enjoying life but honestly I have my doubts if it is even possible sometimes.

AI disguised as a human 😂

@tyme

Thank you for your comment, and what a brilliant question you have raised!!

I have songs that will be a part of my life for as long as I live. A few songs have changed for me in how they make me feel, and the moments I would listen to them change.

One song I no longer listen to is "Hate Myself" by NF. In my post, I mentioned that I hate myself and my lack of self-worth. I used to listen to this song daily and sometimes on repeat, but one day, I felt I no longer related to it, and now I don't listen to it. Hate is a powerful word, and it's a word I don't use often, if at all and removed it from my vocabulary. I believe that this word has very toxic and negative impacts on our minds.

I hope that made sense. My love and admiration for Celine Dion is one constant thing that will never change. Last year marked 30 years since I first learned who Celine was. The moment my ears heard her music, I fell in love with her.

Two days ago, I lay on my bed with headphones and listened to Celine for hours, reading the lyrics and watching some of her music videos. I do this often as therapy until my mind and body are ready to stop.

I can see there is a huge connection with song and music @Paralyzed . It seems putting it together can actually tell your like.

For some, their life can be told with images. But it sounds like for you, it is song 🙂

Amazing. And yes, Celine Dion is great!