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Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 Feb 2025, 10:09 pm AEDT

Don’t want to accept the pain

Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me

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In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator11 Feb 2025, 8:05 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer yeah goes to show even with the right training there still needs to be a connection and a good quality to the therapeutic relationship!

Aye it would be very nerve-wracking! Do you take notes? I take dot points whenever my brain is too frazzled to remember everything 😅

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor11 Feb 2025, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx therapeutic alliance is key. So is feeling heard and understood. I also don’t like feeling judged either. Ultimately everyone has biases, but sometimes those biases can surface because we are all human. Observing therapists has taught me a lot, including observing my own therapists. I want to be a therapist myself one day too.

This may sound weird, I may be guilty of analysing my therapists, I analyse their words, their facial expression and body language. Somewhere down the track I must I taught myself to read people, I used to struggle as a kid. I had to learn to read people to protect myself.

I may need to take dot points, my mind is guilty of feeling frazzled and I lose my words. I dread the moments where I forget and stumble on my words because I’m too anxious

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator11 Feb 2025, 8:40 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer I think remembering that - that we're all human - also helps me. I think society has told us therapists are experts and it's easy to forget they can make mistakes too, that they're not mind readers.

Doesn't sound weird at all, pretty sure that's a common experience for folks with trauma - a kind of hypervigilance. It tends to get me into trouble when I find myself hyper-focused on analysing someone's expressions (when I'm feeling insecure anyway) and no longer just being present with them. Especially when my brain then makes assumptions about their expressions; it's how my system seeks information about whether I have caused them pain. But then.... "Hey obviously you're mad at me so let me do these 500 things to make it up to you"; Them: "Uhhh I'm not mad at you and I don't want 500... things... oh... you got them already... Now I have to reassure you that I'm NOT mad AND I have to deal with all of this..." 😅 oopsie

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor11 Feb 2025, 9:00 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I have never met a perfect therapists since they don’t exist. But I connected better with certain therapists. I feel like a lot of it comes down to therapeutic alliance, and whether we click. You connect better to certain people than others, it’s human. Maybe it comes down to human chemistry and similarities in personalities.

It is a form of hyperviligance. Maybe on a subconscious level a person may worry about feeling judged because a therapist said something judgemental in the past. You might not recognise it straight away, but a therapist may have let a judgement slip, because they are humans and have opinions, but it can fracture the therapeutic alliance. It can make clients wonder whether judgements will seep in the future. I’ll give you an example. After my close suicide attempt my psych asked me whether I thought about the ramifications of my actions on other people as many people end up in therapy because a family member dies from suicide. She also spoke about how suicide also changes a therapist. It kind of gave me the impression she thought I was selfish for considering suicide. I honestly thought people were better off without me. I’m in a better place now and I’m not suicidal, but it is hard remembering that I didn’t get the support I needed then

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator11 Feb 2025, 10:02 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Got a bit hectic @creative_writer but wanted to send some hugs!! I will respond properly next time 💜 Night hun!

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 3:04 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx it’s all good. I hope you had a restful night yesterday and today has been kind to you 💖

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator12 Feb 2025, 3:49 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

How you doing today @creative_writer ??

Just re-reading your post from last night.... that therapistreally just honed in on how it would impact others hey. Absolutely no consideration for your internal experience.... yuck. So yeah, it makes sense that you're gonna feel pretty wary of anyone who wants to be opening up those same painful boxes. And that is probably worth mentioning to this new one too - that you've had so many experiences that have left you feeling unheard, shamed, misunderstood.

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I’ve had lightheaded spells and have had a sore throat all day, I’m starting to wonder whether my allergies have flared up. Though I’m doing a bit better now compared to earlier. How has your day been?

I get suicide is frowned upon in the Muslim community, but I think as a therapist you need to be careful in not letting your opinions on adversely affecting your work. I have done things I’m not proud of and are not aligned with my faith, and guilt tripping only has made me feel worse about myself and has been counterproductive

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator12 Feb 2025, 5:07 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer Oh hun!! And are you still under the weather from the infection too? Poor thing!!

Pretty chill day so far, just hiding from the hot haha. Prolly gotta go to the shops later, I sure hope it cools off!

100% - like by all means be culturally sensitive and aware but don't then impose that onto a person's individual experiences.... Ugh.

What are you up to this arvo?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 Feb 2025, 5:30 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I am still coughing here and there, but sometimes coughs persist after infection passes. I also have a shitload of allergies too, you’ll catch me nasally all year round.

It is very hot, and tomorrow will be too. At least after tomorrow the weather looks pretty good.

I feel like everyone has blind spots, but we must constantly work on ourselves and reflect upon our work. I know I certainly have biases, but I try to be as accepting as I can of others. Everyone has different belief systems and that’s okay. Each to their own.

I’m not up to much this arvo. I got what I needed this morning. I submitted a job application and went for driving practice. I’m probably just going to chill, have dinner and do my regular wind down prayers. My sister has also been very anxious lately, so might try to give her company. OCD traits appears to run in my family

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