Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer I don't know them, I will have to listen though. Do you have any song recommendations? ☺️

I find music really helps me to process how I am feeling. For example, when I am feeling vulnerable, I put on music that matches that, and I allow myself to cry/sing/move/speak out whatever needs to be expressed. Seeing as you are curious about somatics, maybe this could be a helpful process for you too?

Yes, absolutely - we need a balance of all these things, don't we?

Routine can help for sure, how has today been so far?

Also, I hear you on the work front. Where are you at with your applications and do you have anyone supporting you?

I understand where you're coming from, and I think this is a great topic to explore with your psychologist. I also try to see spaces like the forums as a practice ground for the 'real world'. So maybe the more you share here and receive positive feedback, the more trust you will have in others, and it will translate into your personal life? 🥰

@AuntGlow I've recently listened to Help by Anna Clendening and Better Off Broken by Citizen soldier. I honestly don't have a favourite songs by those artists. Music can help you process, but I find it's better to do it in moderation. Listening to too many sad music can cause one to feel stuck.

Today has been okay, I took a shower, did some job stuff, had a doctor appointment for physio referral. My head feels better today. OCD symptoms are not as bad, I know they're thoughts. It's not realistic to get rid of them. Maybe one day it'll be easier to not feel consumed by the shame. Trauma has severed my pride. I prided myself for saving my sexual experiences for marriage, but then, it happened.

I am doing my job applications myself, and I use AI in polishing my writing.

Trusting people is just going to take time, it feels safer not to trust people

@creative_writer Thank you for sharing! 🎶

Absolutely, a balance with this approach is key. Playing music that connects you to your joy and lightness is equally as important. 💕

This sounds like a very productive day!

I am with you, OCD brain can be a lot to manage, but it sounds like you are doing quite well with not overly attaching to the intrusive thoughts at the moment. (Super hard to do, so massive props!) ☺️

If you ever need any support, please let me know - even if it's just a word of encouragement.

I get this, it's allowed to take time. 💛

@AuntGlow I've been sort of scattered today. It hasn't been a super productive day, but it certainly hasn't been my most unproductive day. I find myself bouncing around, probably feel a bit jittery today. It seems to have gotten worse as the day went on, that's a pretty common thing.

I'm not sure if you can say I'm doing well and detaching. The thoughts have been a lot stronger before, there are still playing up in my mind. My mind has lost the bigger picture. There is a deep connection between trauma and shame. My self-worth has been lost in the process

What do you find helps most when you are feeling scattered @creative_writer?

I appreciate your reflections around this. Know that I am sitting with you and completely understand what this feels like. 💛

Do you know much about Tara Brach's work? She focuses a lot on trauma, shame, and self-compassion. Would you like me to share a meditation of hers that my psychologist sent me?

@AuntGlow it’s like my brain is very agitated. I’m nauseous and migraines. I think I might try listening to something relaxing, like one of those brain wave videos. I’m afraid of spiralling, so I need to break the circuit. I know I have PRN but I need to wake up early tomorrow and be alert.

I would love for you to share the meditation

@creative_writer That sounds very uncomfortable for you, I get the sense your body is needing some kind of release or soothing tonight. Maybe those videos are a good idea! I find ASMR vintage scrapbooking videos somehow calming when my mind is everywhere, they help me sleep too. I wonder if a podcast might be useful as well? Just to have someone else's voice with you, discussing something you are interested in. ☺️

OR - you could try this meditation: Meditation with Tara Brach: Developing Self-Compassion

Let me know how it feels for you (and remember that it's okay if emotion or discomfort come up, it's also okay to stop whenever you want to and come back to it when you're ready). 💕

@AuntGlow I keep getting bouts of anxiety. Like right now I’m worrying about employment, even though I need to resolve more pressing issues regarding my mental health. I guess it takes the attention off the pain from trauma. I guess I sort of feel incapable compared to my peers

Why is it so hard. Whenever I try to settle agitation, it comes back. Dear agitation give me a break. It’s going to be harder to resist urges when my mind is racing. My heart is pounding and my head feels heavy. I’m nauseous and feel like I’m going to be sick

Hearing you @creative_writer I do like how you're talking to your agitation. Sometimes externalising like that can be helpful, do you find that to be the case for you?

Is there anything that helps to slow things down when agitation won't leave you be?