Don’t want to accept the pain

@AuntGlow I’m about to do my night skincare routine. I am getting tired, it’s been a day.

Silence feeds shame. I wish it was easier to talk about if, but there is too much taboo around it.

As a bonus matcha works on dopaminergic system, so it may help with motivation and depression. It’s amazing in moderation, can’t handle too much caffeine with bipolar.

I would probably need someone who is knowledgeable about hypermobility before trying yoga again. Maybe it comes down to the poses. I also have POTS so need to be careful with that too

@creative_writer that sounds really nice. What is your skincare routine?

I know you already know this, but there is nothing you could say that we would judge you for here. 💛

Ooh - this is so good to know. I was thinking about buying some the other day. I like my drinks iced; do you have a good brand recommendation?

Of course - you know your body better than anyone. I will keep thinking about other things that could be helpful.

Please get some rest! I will be back tomorrow. ✨

@AuntGlow my skincare routine is different in the morning than in the PM. I always wash my face in the PM, but just use rosewater to wipe excess oils in the morning. I use Aloe Vera gel for sensitive skin, I have a face serums, a different one in the AM and PM. I use SPF in the day, and a night cream at night. I also use a face oil since my skin is dry. I exfoliate twice a week and mask twice a week.

I am a SA survivor, and I also have attachment trauma, my parents did their best but never knew how to emotionally support me. My mum struggles with her own mental health, it wasn't easy growing up. I was also emotionally bullied at school. I was too ND for a NT world. I have been getting regular SA body flashbacks lately. I can't talk to people around me. There is so much stigma in the Muslim community. It torture, sometimes I end up disassociated because it feels too much.

I get my matcha from Love Tea, they have good quality, it is expensive, but it doesn't cost an arm and leg. It's my go too as you get decent quality for the price. Matcha needs to be emerald for it to be decent quality and Japanese origin is typically seen to be the best. You could easy make an iced version of it, and sweeten it with honey or sugar. Sometimes people add a bit of milk to it. I just have my matcha in regular warm water.

I had my psych appointment today, I was dissociated the entire time. I am still experiencing de-realisation and de-personalisation symptoms.

My psych suggested inpatient stay to sort out my bipolar meds. My private health won’t cover private hospital, but I know it can easily be increased. I don’t think my parents will accept it and will freak out. I can talk to my pdoc during my next appointment, but I don’t think it can be an option. I’m not dealing with parents’ anxiety

@creative_writer

Ooh, that sounds like such a nice process for you. Do you find it relaxing?

I can only imagine how painful this has been for you to carry - there are so many layers to your experience, but what I am really hearing is that you've needed to feel safe and accepted. You absolutely deserve to feel this way, and we will do our best to keep creating spaces like this for you, okay?

My goodness, that matcha looks lush. Do you have the whisk too?

That's okay. I know it can be quite overwhelming when this happens. I think easing yourself into activities that feel safe and familiar could help. What do you think? 💛

@AuntGlow yes I do find skincare relaxing.

There are a lot of layers, it’s complex. I have too many mental health labels.

I love their matcha. I don’t use a whisk because I’m scared of not being able to clean it properly. I have germaphobia.

I listened to something relaxing after my appointment and I’m under the covers right now. I’m very exhausted and sleepy. I had a lot to take in from the appointment

@AuntGlow

TW: Suicide Attempt

Now I must get better so I don’t need an admission. I need to do it for my family. I am responsible for not causing them distress

@creative_writer oh my stars hun!! That's so rough, I would not be surprised if you were in a bit of shock!

How are you travelling this evening?

@Jynx I am better than I was on Monday. I'm just so confused and I feel so low. Trying to stay strong is so difficult