Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like things became very intense and overwhelming for you the other day. I am glad to know you told your psych - what was her response? 💗

If it's any consolation, I am really glad you didn't continue. Please know that you are so incredibly appreciated and valued here, even if it may not feel that way all the time. You can always reach out here when you feel this way. If I am online, I will be more than happy to step through your safety plan with you? I am just a tag away. 🥰

@AuntGlow she thought that it might be worth considering an admission in private hospital to sort out meds. She wanted me to talk to my psychiatrist. I just can't admission to my parents, they won't accept it.

I may be creative and it may be a positive in most situations. It hasn't been a positive in this situation. I can do harm minimisation to some extent, but my mind will drift to other things. I know I have enough strength to resist right now, but it is so damn exhausting. I just want to be normal. Why is healing so hard?

I think we're all, always, allowed to be not strong sometimes. To let ourselves be not okay, to fall apart a bit, to rest from the constant energy of keeping that protective stoicism alive...

Easier said than done @creative_writer I know! But I hope you can make space for some gentleness and softness tonight 😌

Maybe a nostalgic movie or a tasty fav dessert or something?

@Jynx you know I am grateful in a way I don't have clients because I am falling apart. I think I need to work on myself before I get there. I'm worried about the volunteer work I'll be taking with Lifeline. I know there is still a month left of online training, so I have some room to decompress before helping others. The first month is placement, so lots of support. They have their support system for volunteers too. My mind clearly really doesn't stop worrying. I am also afraid of my parents realising how south my mental health has gone.

I think I might eat my dark chocolate before I take my meds tonigh

Okay, @creative_writer. How do you feel about this idea? 💛

I understand how this would be exhausting for you... it must feel like a lot to regulate these bigger emotions every day.

Oh, lovely - you ARE normal. You are human. A human who has been through a lot and is reacting in the only ways that feel available to them right now. But I promise, with more support and time, new ways to manage these challenges will become more accessible. These other parts of you just need a bit more 'TLC' so they know it's safe to try new things. I hope this makes sense. 🥰

@AuntGlow I know my parents will never be so keen on the idea of a hospital stay, so I feel like I need to somehow get better so I don’t need it. I am not prepared to cope with their anxieties, I haven’t even told them about how low I got the other day. I am hoping the psychiatrist appointments are adequate, even if he needs to see me more regularly. On the plus side I’m also above the Medicare threshold with my healthcare card, so I get a better Medicare rebate. I’ve had a lot of out of pocket costs this year🫤. Everything is expensive.

It is true that I’ve had a lot to deal with. I’m still learning to cope

@creative_writer I don't think you're falling apart hun, tho maybe that's something that feels pretty scary for you right now! What advice or support would you give someone who had said to you they felt they were falling apart?

Hope your dark choccie was super delish!! 💜

@creative_writer everything really is expensive, isn't it? 😣

I would encourage you to keep these conversations going with your psychiatrist and psychologist, and if you can, keep connecting with people here in the interim - that way you are continuing to build a support network. When are your next appointments?

And yes, exactly. So, let's be as soft as we can with the parts of you that are still healing. 💗

@Jynx I would be compassionate towards them advise them to take it moment by moment. I would say healing is possible, and sometimes people take steps backwards and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they are falling apart.

The dark chocolate was lovely, it was the first time I was trying it.

@AuntGlow my next psych appointment is in three weeks but I will be seeing my psychiatrist next week on Friday.

@Jynx and @AuntGlow I am hoping I don’t need an admission to sort my meds, my parents will never accept it. I’m still sort of worried about what’s going to happen next

Anyone else notice increase in agitation in the afternoon. Not sure if it’s my meds wearing off. I am exhausted from these thoughts