Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me
In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain
AuntGlowModerator
Good afternoon @creative_writer,
I am glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today. What do you think has helped?
It's great to see you show an interest in somatics! I am a big fan, mainly of embodied dance meditations. What do you know about somatic practices so far? 💗
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
creative_writerSenior Contributor
@AuntGlow I had PRN last night and I’ve been taking it easy today. I’ve been doing regular self care stuff. I got my saffron today through the mail, I’ve had a bit of that in my matcha today. I was out of saffron for a week, it kind of helps me feel more relaxed and focused.
I know a bit about somatics. I know there is a strong mind body connection, breathing and grounding exercises can help. I’m going on a walk on the weekend with my family, I believe it’s Japanese style, that’s going to be interesting. I am aware I have a lot of emotions stored in my body, cptsd can do that. Memories are still intense
In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain
rav3nSenior Contributor
@creative_writer an earlier reschedule with psychiatrist sounds helpful. from what i've heard you say about your current psych, she seems very understanding and unloading on her might lift some of the weight off your shoulders. her job is not to judge you, but to listen and support you 💗
i agree with you about it being easier with time - i guess the 'waiting' and uncertainty part makes it tough, but if there's one thing we can be certain about - its that change is inevitable, so this 'clogged up' and 'insanity' feeling will change too.
do you like doing crosswords/word searches, sudoku, puzzles, etc?
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
AuntGlowModerator
@creative_writer That sounds so delightful. Saffron and matcha! I think I need to try this. 🤩
Ooh, that does sound interesting. Please let me know how the walk goes, I am very curious now! And absolutely, the body can be very activated with trauma... this is why somatic work can be so healing, because it can teach us how to have a safer relationship with our body (and then the mind often follows). Have you explored much yoga before?
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
rav3nSenior Contributor
@creative_writer ahh yep, so this would be the first time having that sorta of conversation with the current psych - it's hard unmasking in general and being honest about what's going on, but i reckon it'll be worth it too.
definitely would be disheartening, especially when you've been putting in so much work into your recovery journey. reminds me of this diagram though:
maybe it feels 'backwards', but i reckon it's different this time in the sense that you know that things have gotten better in the past so it can again - that awareness its can be hard to come by! and you've reached out for support and your working on staying safe through distractions too.
i do like puzzles/word searches, etc - i'm not the best at them but when i was finding my mind 'clogged up' i tried word searches and wordles (the online one) to help practice focusing. it was nice working on something that wasn't important, it's like there was no pressure if i messed up. if you're ever bored and want to try something new to occupy your mind, wordles can be fun to try out!
oh and this is random but i had some matcha tea today and it reminded me of you. i bought some matcha tea powder from Bali at the start of the year and only now used it - i think this might be my winter-go-to drink.
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain
AuntGlowModerator
Hello @creative_writer, I thought I would respond to this last comment first. I really want you to hear that feeling deeply is allowed. I think it's so important that you honour your feelings and express them in safe spaces. But if you notice you are finding yourself revisiting them a lot, I encourage you to come back to that idea of soothing - 'what is one thing that will help me to feel 1% safer in my body right now?'
What can we start with tonight?
I like your reflections in the second paragraph - shame often does feed OCD cycles. I think you voicing your feelings here is such a positive step towards releasing some of this shame. Thank you for sharing your voice here, it is always welcome.
PS: I love that matcha grounds you so much and that you enjoy pilates - me too! I was thinking, perhaps you could find an online or in-person trauma informed yoga class instead of a regular one? They can be so incredibly healing and don't push you beyond your capacity. Just some food for thought. 💛
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
Fields marked * are required
