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Something’s not right

Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 Feb 2025, 10:09 pm AEDT

Don’t want to accept the pain

Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me

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In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator03 May 2025, 7:08 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer on your reflections? If you can't concentrate maybe it's time to switch off the focusy brain!! Got much on this weekend?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 May 2025, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I don’t even want to work full time, but I applied for it because part time is very hard to find. I am still struggling with my mental health, but the real world doesn’t seem to accomodate for ND and those with mental illness. People just want you to have it together and work 9-5pm, five days a week.

I have Lifeline training modules to do tomorrow. It’s due tomorrow, but I think I’ll be able to get it done, I don’t know how much I’ll absorb. I do already know a lot of the content

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator03 May 2025, 8:35 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer my hot tip is to apply for EVERYTHING even the stuff you're not even remotely qualified for! Full-time, part-time, heck, management and above, doesn't matter still apply - cos that's exactly how I landed here! Applied for a management position I had no hope of attaining cos of centrelink requirements and they liked my application enough regardless. You never know who might read your resume too, and even if they don't hire you for the job, it might be that something else pops up in a few months and they think of you, stuff like that.

Is it lots of reading, or like a quiz or something too? Yes you probably gotta save some concentration power haha

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 May 2025, 8:45 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I’m applying for everything. The interview was for a full time job which has a high chance of causing sensory overload. I’m not finding much part time that is friendly towards my needs. Maybe sacrifices are required when first starting off.

Yeah it consists of reading and quizzes

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator03 May 2025, 10:08 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer hmm maybe, or maybe you will find a workplace where you can talk to them about how to support your work/life balance while you do full time and they will fully support you in that! Who knows!

Catch you next week mayhaps hun, hope your brain has settled a bit 😊💜 Night!

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 May 2025, 3:14 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I do hope I can find something suitable, it's just hard. I get sensory overload and overwhelmed so easily. I think this med tolerance hasn't been working in my favour lately, but I don't want to have to take more meds. I don't feel functional, I can barely concentrate for extended period of time because I am so edgy and anxious. I have had panic attacks lately. I actually started googling to see if it can be bipolar related. Panic attacks can occur in both depressive and manic episode, but more likely to occur in mixed and manic. I wonder if I am still a mixed up mess. The only way I was able to get to sleep last night was by praying. I was scared I wasn't to sleep much and it might affect my driving today. Thankfully got enough sleep, though I do not feel well-rested and my head sort of feels heavy and I'm nauseous. Maybe I should eat a snack, but nothing feels appetising. Getting a bit of glucose regularly can help, fruits are my go to afternoon snacks, but the idea of even eating a juicy fruit isn't exactly appetising right now

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator05 May 2025, 5:39 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer sounds like you've really been having a time hun!! Losing appetite is so hard. How's your evening been so far, got job searching lined up or just chillin?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 May 2025, 6:02 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I have been AI-ing, don't think that's even a word, but I just put some stuff through there to improve my application, my brain is too clogged up to think. I probably shouldn't even be working on my job application.

I am hungry now at least, maybe I should eat. Just noticed I was hungry. Clearly when my mind is doing other things I seem to lose the ability to connect with my body. I think disconnecting has been a coping strategy, I keep getting bouts where my body doesn't feel right. Feeling pressure on me right now

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator05 May 2025, 6:40 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer haha sure it will be soon - and hey, whatever resources help!

I think that's also a big ND mood? Like I will be hyperfocused on something and then be hit w like OMG I AM FAMISHED outta nowhere 😅

Am hearing the pressure tho. Wanna talk about it?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 May 2025, 7:08 pm AEST

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx AI is amazing, isn't it? Especially for those of us that struggle with writing. I make so many errors in my writing and I'll only realise when I read it out loud. My brain keeps jumping, probably my ADHD thoughts vibrating in a chaotic mess.

I don't think I could talk about the pressure without triggering anyone. Maybe I do need a therapy session soon, but damn Medicare makes things so difficult. I have my next appointment next week, I'll get another referral just before. I don't know if I should try to see my pdoc sooner, I don't want to have to increase my med dose again, I've already increased it quite a few times

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.