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Something’s not right

Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 Feb 2025, 10:09 pm AEDT

Don’t want to accept the pain

Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me

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In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator08 Mar 2025, 8:45 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer Mm agitation is a tricky one hey, makes it harder to move towards the calming type activities because the restlessness gets so intense. And it means I have a really 'short fuse' - as in, low tolerance for anything annoying. So I'll be trying to sit there calmly, focusing on breath... but like my clothes will feel too thick or my socks feel wrong and I end up kicking em off and angrily throwing em across the room 😅 And then of course I'm right back to square one with trying to calm my system!!

Have you been able to focus on prayer or anything tonight? Hugs for you my dear 🫂🫂

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Mar 2025, 9:00 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx my tolerance is running very low. I feel irritated and I’m not even sure what triggered it. Like I’m just irritated, and since I’m irritated, the dark thoughts have been kicking in. Like I feel the need to do something self-destructive. But I know there are consequences and I’ll probably regret it later. I’m finding it hard to slow down, I can barely stay seated.

Sometimes clothes can feel ugh. I gave some of my clothes away because I didn’t like the feel of them. I’m currently wearing loose bamboo clothing because it’s been warm. I hate the feel of sweat. I sweat less with bamboo.

I’ve have engaged in prayer, but my concentration wasn’t there. My brain does not know how to concentrate when I’m this heightened

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

JynxModerator08 Mar 2025, 9:28 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer hmm... two things coming to mind - something movement-y (excellent way to release pent up frustration energy) or reaching out to someone (vent and release the thoughts).

Music right now, would it overstimulate you or could it help you start to regulate?

Just thinking of ways you might be able to switch up your environment a little.

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Mar 2025, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@Jynx I feel unsure about what would be the best way to self-regulate. I have taken my PRN, the urges are too loud right now, maybe it’s best I go to bed.

I’ll see you around. Goodnight 💖🫂

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Mar 2025, 5:03 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I think I’m going to need another PRN. This is torture. I sit here thinking about doing things and it’s Ramadan. The struggle of bipolar is real 😫. I don’t even know what triggered it. I am safe, though a part of me doesn’t want to be safe

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

tymeModerator09 Mar 2025, 5:20 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Do you think you need to go to the hospital @creative_writer ?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Mar 2025, 6:05 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@tyme I don’t think I’m at the hospital place yet. I usually just take PRN if things escalate and that is usually enough to settle me down. I have had enormous pressure on me, I have to keep myself well enough to not need hospitalisation to protect my parents. I also find hospital environments very stimulating and not ND friendly, it might make the anxiety worse. It’s kind of why I’m trying to avoid hospital jobs. When I went in the past, I found it loud, bright and too fast paced, it was stressful

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

tymeModerator09 Mar 2025, 6:12 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Weren't you linked in with aread mental health before? @creative_writer Are you able to contact them for a home visit if you need it?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Mar 2025, 6:20 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@tyme I used to be connected to HOPE in 2022. I was referred by community mental health. I didn’t go to hospital on that occasion, I just spoke to the CAT team. I almost got a welfare check from the police. It was really stressful for my parents, and this caused me to feel on edge. I try to stay safe by myself and avoid welfare checks. My mum will never be able to cope with police called over. These are not my words, but my mum would rather die than have the police called over, even if it was for a welfare check. I need to preserve my mum’s sanity. She has had arguments with dad before which ended up with her talking about wanting to die. I have to tread very carefully. So I can’t get to the stage of high distress, I need to control it

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Mar 2025, 5:54 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I went to the GP today (he is working today) and came back with antibiotics. Turns out I have a tinny cyst near my eye and an uti . I feel rather low today, maybe I’m not feeling the best physically

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Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.