Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer aye, I think a lot of growing up is looking back and going 'lawd I thought I had it all figured out didn't I? Silly little me!' 🤣

I'm off! TY for the chats, hope you have a chill evening hun 💜✌️

@Jynx I think many of us have our cringe moments too. I was reading a really old diary and it was embarrassing 😂.

Thank you for the chats, I hope you have a chill evening too 💖

Omg lol bet that was an experience!! Ahaha @creative_writer always a wild time going back hey.

How's your Saturday going?

@Jynx I was so immature 😂. I thought it was cool to write about others using the initials.

Today has been crazy. I woke up super agitated. The agitation started yesterday. It’s settled now, maybe the PRN eventually did its work. I guess what matters is I survived and got out of it alive even though I wanted to unalive myself 💧. I was super frustrated and annoyed about how things have been. I have been struggling to get things done. I probably need to give myself time to heal through therapy, and let the saffron work.

How has your Saturday been?

All that this morning @creative_writer ?! My gosh hun, so glad you're safe - you feeling like you're going to be able to manage if the thoughts get loud again? Aye that frustration is gnarly ay... takes over my brain sometimes. Scream therapy does help lol...

What are you up to with yourself this arvo?

@Jynx I can always take another PRN if needed. I haven’t been satisfied with how my life has been going. Adding agitation in the mix made things feel a lot worse. Right now I feel numb and exhausted.

I had a shower, and a hydrating face mask on right now. I’m mostly chilling and resting, it’s very hot. My family were thinking of going out for dinner. Though I’ll be eating from home

@creative_writer gladness, I hope that you don't end up needing it in the end. Ach, the numbness... always leaves me feeling... kinda empty? Hollow? It's rough.

If I could scoop you up into a big hug I would! You could gently rest your hand over your heart, I always find that to be a comfort 😊

Ooh lush! Does that mean you currently look like a creature from the swamp, all muddy-faced? Hehehe

Your parent's aren't the sort to pressure you into going with them I hope?

@Jynx it does feel uncomfortable. My mind is too tired to cope with emotions. I’m too tired to do much. My head is also starting to feel heavy again.

I’ve washed the mask off, I think I needed it after exfoliating. My skin is the driest thing. My hair also needs lots of products because it’s so dry.

Do you think it’ll get easier one day in terms of being able to do things? Does ADHD get better? Do mental health struggles of cptsd and bipolar get easier?

I don’t even know if they’re eating out. I couldn’t wait that long, I probably should eat sometime soon. I have a poor appetite, but I think I’ll need to force myself with a small meal

@creative_writer it does get easier! I mean certain things are just never gonna be easy - unless there's large scale social and political reform to create equity for people with disabilities but... obvs that's a ways off! But in terms of like, managing symptoms and stuff, yeah! Not only do we get better at working out the best strategies and stuff, but also just in terms of like... The more we work through the trauma stuff, the less it impacts the ND stuff. So with RSD for example - for me my RSD has gotten sooooo much less impactful as I've worked on my sense of self-esteem and strengthening my identity. I still get hit by it, but it's a lot easier to self-reassure.

A little snack goes a long way sometimes!! Also can help in kick-starting your appetite too 😉

@Jynx it is true you can learn to manage symptoms. I feel like I’m becoming agitated again. I’m not sure why. It’s suffocating that I just want to disappear. I’m safe for now.

I just had some dinner, I didn’t eat much, but should be enough to keep me going. I don’t naturally have a good appetite, my mum complains about my eating patterns