Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer oh yeah course, gotta build up that relationship first hey. Plus idk about you but talking about childhood stuff always makes me feel all ooky - even child-like at times, which can increase the potential for feelings of helplessness and fear. Deffo a lot easier to approach when you've got that trust established!

@Jynx I can go slowly, but I think I may need to tell her that there is childhood stuff too, and I can talk about when I’m ready. Talking about childhood and definitely make you feel like a child again. Emotional safety is key in therapy, without it you can only go so far

@creative_writer 100%, sounds like a good approach too.

I should skedaddle! Thanks for chats and info hun, speak to ya next time 😊💜

@Jynx I actually forgot to respond to this. ADHD is ADHDing. I hope you were able to get some rest last night, I know you struggle at times 💖

I’m overwhelmed by a sense of loss from living with mental illness. I’ve spent more than a decade on medication and getting treatment for my mental health. I know sometimes we are born with different brains and experience trauma. I’ve struggled with mental health as long as I can remember. I had lots of anxiety even as a kid, I had undiagnosed ND and childhood trauma. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life on medication, though I know they say medication is recommended long term for bipolar

@creative_writer hahaha all g - pretty standard for us, hey 🤣

Aye I do know the feeling, a very valid thing to grieve for. I'm in a similar boat, been in and out of therapy for over a decade. I sometimes do think about the kind of life I would've lived had things been different... And I also then think 'well I wouldn't be here, doing what I do, connecting with people and being able to provide compassion and care to so many!' We're at different stages in our recovery, so it's okay if it's a bit of a struggle to find your own reassurances - but you will 😁

With meds... I always see em as like, a tool to assist in recovery. They can provide groundedness and stability - hopefully enough to then allow one to work on their stuff, so that eventually they can come off the meds again. Buuuut that's just my opinion, and I know there's plenty of folks who have life-long meds that they wouldn't dare come off of - and that is so valid!

I guess you could have a think about what you're getting out of the medication - what is it providing? What is it preventing? Are there side effects? Do the side effects outweigh the benefits? Do you have enough support to come off them? What would change if you did?

All questions to contemplate!

@Jynx I didn’t even draft a response this time. I’ve had times when I have drafted a response but forgot to post or message 😂.

The meds make me feel more stable by regulating my mood and circadian rhythm. I would be suicidal without them. I do experience a lot of grogginess, fatigue and POTS symptoms are also not great. I’m not sure if my meds are contributing to those symptoms. Going off them might help with some of the side effects, the cost of not being on medication is also high. Maybe it’ll be doable to lower meds dose once I process some of my unprocessed emotions. I’ll always need to be careful with regulation of circadian rhythms. Sleep and mood and highly connected. I have gone without sleep while manic, and have slept up to like 14.5 hours when depressed.

I think I’m having an off day today, not sure why. Maybe it’s related to body flashbacks early today, but I’m trying to ignore those. If I don’t think, I won’t have to feel

@creative_writer Yep 100% agree on what you've said!! Sounds like you've got a solid approach 😎

And yeah like, the prospect of being medicated for the rest of one's life is never an easy one to contend with. I know it's not the same as certain psychiatric meds but I had similar thoughts when I realised I'd be on ADHD meds the rest of my life. This lil meme actually was a good reminder for me hehe

Yeah not thinking is pretty choice ay!! Don't spose you practice meditation at all? Honestly I think prayer is one form of it, so you kinda do 😋

@Jynx I do believe there you do have to stabilise the biological aspect of mental health. Before they had psych meds, they used herbs which also affected brain chemicals. I think relaxing activities also affect our brain chemicals like prayer, meditation and music and so can food. Gut health is vital, I don’t have a very happy gut.

My body sort of feels weird now. What baffles me is why has it been happening more often or at least appears to happen more often. I am starting to get doubts about whether my flashbacks were as infrequent before as I say. Did I ignore them. Have I become more conscious of my body? So what am I supposed to do? Become detach myself from my body like before? I keep oscillating between being in tuned with my body and detaching from my body

@creative_writer Me neither - but we're working on it!! Our guts will be thankful I'm sure hehe

Sounds like there's a lot happening for you internally, I'd be pretty confused too! Could be a good topic with your new psych. Also worth doing - looking up your experiences online to see if there's any stories or articles floating about! And of course you could always make a forums post about this experience and see if the community might have some experiences or insights to share!

@Jynx I’m working on my gut too, though it does take time to heal the body.

I have my psych appointment tomorrow. I am a little confused about what’s going on. I do think I’ve been so disconnected from my body for so long, it’s hard to notice what I feel within myself. Being more connected with my body brings a lot of emotions up for me. Sometimes it takes a while for me to realise that I don’t feel right in myself