Don’t want to accept the pain

@creative_writer makes sense to turn to society if you're unable to find the information within your own life hey.

I gots to dash! Good to catch up - crack ya on the flipside cool cat 😎😽

@Jynx I hope you have a restful night 💖

I wish I didn’t feel like damaged goods

And the flashbacks kick in. I feel hopeless. I’m trying to stay hopeful, I have an appointment with the new psych next week, I know they say things can change with the right support and hard work. Then another part of my brain says I’m too damaged

I feel stuck within myself

@Jynx brain has been OCDing today. It can be hard to pull away from the intrusive thoughts even though I really want to. Maybe the recent flashbacks have brought so much back. I can’t wait until the flashbacks go away and I get a decent break from it all

@Jynx I’m taking it minute by minute. I’ve been very unfunctional today. If I had no purpose in life, I feel like I would’ve just decided to end it and I wouldn’t be on the forums right now. The heat is definitely not helping, I’m too tired to do anything. I’ll shower tomorrow. I’ve sprayed some perfume to make myself smell nice.

I have been wasting a lot of time on the internet. Stuck in a bit of a paralysis. Listened to some miserable tunes.

I did do paperwork for my next week appointment today after they emailed me to remind me that I need to complete it before the first appointment. I haven’t achieved much apart from the paperwork, I did need a push for completing it too

Sounds like you're taking the steps you have capacity for @creative_writer so kudos. I have had many a baby-wipe-shower when depression has its claws in!

Internet sure can be a massive time suck hey!! Buuuut maybe you learned something? Maybe you smiled? Maybe you saw a cute dog video? It's not all doom scrolling all the time....

Oh nice one!! I do so like it when they give me the kick up the bum haha I'd totally forget otherwise.

@Jynx sometimes it’s just hard to do things. Intrusive thoughts can so paralysing that it’s hard to focus on something else. I know they’re not logical, but I still can’t help but feel blameworthy. I’ve tried reasoning with myself and I’ve had people tell me I have nothing to be ashamed of, but my brain just won’t have it. Maybe I’m grieving too. Grieving over what could’ve been if it never happened. If only my first sexual experience was consensual.

It’s just hard not to get caught in the thoughts. I do feel guilty that I am caught in the thoughts and I’m barely doing anything. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough to do more.

Cat videos are always cute. I always get recommended cat videos. I do feel like sometimes I do need a push too. There are things I don’t do even though they’re really simple tasks. Like I could email my private health insurance to get some money back for one of my meds that’s not on the PBS, but I always seem to put it off