Looking for support

@tyme that's it, accepting anything other than cruelty from others is not something that I feel I'm capable of, especially being vulnerable like I am now.

I guess I'm trying to find some sense of belonging and by connecting here I thought maybe I could feel less alone.

I'm sorry to hear how things were for you before but I am glad that you have been able to change. It takes alot of strength to change so well done for doing that.

Absolutely @Hopeandlove . It's like you are always in a hypervigilant stance waiting for any attack of rejection and hurt from other people. This can be exhausting!

So that when someone who genuninely cares comes along, your first reaction is to push them away?

I've been in a similar place. And yes, living like this was so tiring!

I don't expect you to put your guard down just like that, but yes, maybe connecting on the forums can help you see another perspective.

Anyway, good to see you. I've been thinking about you.

Thanks @tyme . I'm very good at pushing people away but that's because I usually see red flags and I'm not prepared to take a chance.

It's also knowing that I'm not going to be around for much longer so keeping my distance means that noone will be hurt once I'm gone.

I'm feeling pretty drained today. Think the heat isn't helping.

How is your day going?

Hey @Hopeandlove, just chiming into the conversation here if that's ok?

I spent a long time pushing people away, too, and I felt that it was what I wanted to do at the time. It wasn't because I didn't value them, I just wanted to be on my own and do my own thing without judgment. I'm quite the opposite now and draw people close and surround myself with people I enjoy spending time with. I have had to learn to accept people for who they are and that all people can have red flags.

Also, as @tyme said, we are concerned about you. If you feel you need to talk to someone immediately, please contact:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

If you don't feel safe, please contact 000.

Take care

RiverSeal

Hi @RiverSeal. I have tried to accept people and recognise that most of the problems are probably because of me. I get it, I'm the problem and I'm not good company to be around.

Thank you for your concern. Don't worry about me and I'm not bothering crisis services, they are there for people that deserve to be helped. Me I'm just broken and unworthy of being helped.

Sorry to hear that you feel this way @Hopeandlove I believe we all deserve to be supported when we need a little extra, and we can all recover. I encourage you to reach out if you feel that you need it! Take care RiverSeal

I'm just really hurting at the moment @RiverSeal . What are you supposed to do when it all just gets too much. And the only thing you can think about is the way out, so you don't have to feel or think anymore.

It can be really beneficial to talk with someone about how you feel @Hopeandlove. I have called Lifeline many times to talk about what is going on for me over the years. I still have regular sessions with my supports too, and I find it helps a lot. I encourage you to reach out to have a chat with someone. RiverSeal

@RiverSeal it feels too much to talk to someone. The thought of opening up scares me, I don't know if I would be able to control my emotions.

It can be beneficial to let your emotions out, and someone who is supporting you will give you the space you need to do that. Holding your emotions in can be more damaging than we expect, and letting them out can reduce that damage. I know it's not easy, and I took a long time to be able to talk about what I was going through, but I got there in the end @Hopeandlove. RiverSeal