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trying New Behaviours

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 12:52 pm AEDT

trying New Behaviours

I walked out of a movie before it finished today.

Other people like the movie and I may watch it in the future, but I still feel barely entitled to typical living conditions for an Australian born female.

First time I ever did that.

I was triggered about 10 times in first hour.

tried to manage it but had a feeling it would be tough.

Its good I dont have to be too tough any more .. but still so so hard to just be me.

Its also hard for people to understand me, so the easy tendency is to put me down or ignore me.

Anyway, I did not force myself to sit through it.

23 replies

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In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 12:58 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Sounds like a tough day @Appleblossom.....with lots of reflecting going on. Like you right now I'm sitting in my car trying to decide what behaviours I can employ right now to deal with my mood and thoughts. I'm really proud of you that you are learning to be you. I think we both have different but similar paradoxes happening in out lives right now. Much of it seems around identity and finding comfort in our own skins. 💜🤗

In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 12:59 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm making sleep deprived assumptions. 😬😱

In response to: Re: trying New Behaviours

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 1:14 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

its a tough day @Former-Member

Lion is about an abandoned 6 year old in India, fostered out by Australians.

As I was driving away .. right and left hemispheres were in a swirl... then realise not safe .. needed petrol .. home now .. of course didnt tell son .

I wish I could exaggerate even a little bit, but I have to try too hard to get support even from "nice" people.

I tend to understate and try to be respectful of my son's confidentiality on the forum.

I excused myself to both ladies on either side of me , said sorry I might squirm if triggered. It ended up being torture .. it was supposed to be an escape. provided by Carer's Vic ... hmmm . just too complicated a situation .. for most to comprehend.

In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 1:23 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Yep @Appleblossom. I get that it gets so very complicated for you as your life and situations are so very complex. I cannot imagine being in your brain at times. Can I ask what kind of support would you want from someone? What would make a difference for you?

In response to: Re: trying New Behaviours

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 1:26 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

I know when I am being ignored, passed over or people are having cheap digs.

@Former-Memberyou responding immediately has been far more than I usually get.

Oh for the luxury of cranky rants, not being eternally held against me ..

Thanks bella.

I am going to log off now and write about this process.

In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 1:32 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

And just curiously do you think there has been or would be a point that that film wouldn't trigger you. Is your vulnerability/mood a factor in this or are triggers for you the same no matter your headspace ?
I'm learning that I have particularly vulnerable days but I have come to realise that my triggers, and maybe that's not the correct use of that word, are more around shame and me, not specific memories or any trauma I have endured (which was minimal anyway). My fight for life is around my inability to cope with me. I understand this is not the same for you. I get a very small glimpse of that when a song or smell of the past come in and affect me. I just know for you and many many others on the forum that is amplified beyond my capacity to feel it.

In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 1:39 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Sorry think we are on a different page @Appleblossom. I know you are loved and cherished on here and not just by me. We all have our off days. I could have just as easily not responded today because I was considering time away but it wouldn't change my support or respect for you. Please look after yourself. I've just worked out youve had a few triggering things on here too. It happens and please trust me that it's not just you. We all have off days and we all trigger each other sometimes. Take some time for you now until the wave dissipates. Look at all your beauty within and your talents that just quietly I'm jealous of. Sending hugs. 💜🤗💐

In response to: trying New Behaviours

BlueBaySenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 1:42 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Hi @Appleblossom
I saw that movie last week on my own. First time ever on my own. And it did make me cry s lot. I did like the movie but it did make me very sad. I can also understand the abandonment issue. I felt that too. Xxx

In response to: Re: trying New Behaviours

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 1:51 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Sorry confused @Former-Member

I was grateful you responded immediately when I was actually triggered.

As it comes on so quickly it is not easy to always plan ahead. It is also not advisable then to just be reactive ..

Even on here, support has not been a given. Often left with guts hanging out.

But still committed to MH activism and the positions I take.

Maybe if movie was just on tv and I could get out of seat and move around while watching I could see it without too much distress... super sound and big screen over saturate .. senses.

Not sure why my gratitude is not enough .. had that issue with mother .. or what "different pages" mean ..

but its ok .. I know many of us are vulnerable and stretched.

In response to: trying New Behaviours

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 1:58 pm AEDT

Re: trying New Behaviours

Different page meaning I had t realised that you were feeling quite distressed. @Appleblossom. I think I thought you were being more philosophical in the first post. The penny didn't click for me straight away that you were quite distressed. It was where my head was at, it's in a strange place. And yes lots of people having more struggles more than normal on here at the moment.

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