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Putting yourself out there

BS9New Contributor

Putting yourself out there

Hi, I am an incredibly shy person and have never taken steps to tell someone how much I care about them and hope for a relationship. Well that changed two weeks ago when I told the guy that I have been hanging out with now for over year that I cared about him a lot.... He politely said thank you and that he loves spending time with me but he's decided to not be in a relationship with anyone. Now, the thing is for this past year we have nearly loved in each other's pockets. We have spent so much time together that people around us have questioned whether or not we were together. I even thought he had feelings....but now I just feel like I was crazy. Some of you may say that I just need to walk away and you are probably right but I am grieving so much right now and I'm sure my friends are sick of me talking about it. I just wanted someone who thought like me, enjoyed the same things as me etc just saw me and willing to give it a go. Thanks for reading my rant. It's a bit hard right now.

49 replies

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In response to: Putting yourself out there

Spirit_HealerSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

No, @tyme , it's the third time. But they're very traditional and expect me to stay at home until I get married!

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

tymeModerator

Re: Putting yourself out there

Do you think they are just worried about you? Do you have siblings @Spirit_Healer ?

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

Spirit_HealerSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

They are very anxious parents. At the same time, that extreme anxiety also makes them very controlling! It has bordered on emotional abuse, financial abuse and gaslighting at times - tmy assessment, but also even according to my social worker.

@tyme

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

tymeModerator

Re: Putting yourself out there

Might be cultural and intergenerational trauma too. They probably doing the best they know as that's how they were raised. I'm glad you have a new place now. Do you feel settled yet? @Spirit_Healer

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

Spirit_HealerSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

@tyme that's precisely what my clinical psychologist says: it's their low skill level.

My parents both survived the political and social upheaval of the Communists in their respective Asian birth countries. I know there's some deep-seeded trauma there that they probably won't ever be ready to deal with with counselling, etc.

So definitely intergenerational trauma combined with regressed/primitive sociocultural norms.

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

tymeModerator

Re: Putting yourself out there

Totally @Spirit_Healer . Makes sooooo much sense.

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

Spirit_HealerSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

I felt pretty settled almost right from the beginning here in this unit, @tyme .

Just like with the cat, I fell in love with this place.

I love being able to decorate it my way, and leave things out and not have them moved to a hiding spot by someone else

  • @Glisten @Shaz51 @PeppyPatti @Oaktree @MJG017 @Jynx @Ru-bee @Healandlove @rav3n @creative_writer @BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

hey @Spirit_Healer so nice to hear you're settling into the new place well!! must be such a wonderful feeling to finally be able to make your space reflect you!! how's the decorating going? 😊

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

GlistenSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

@Spirit_Healer I’m so happy for you❣️

In response to: Re: Putting yourself out there

Spirit_HealerSenior Contributor

Re: Putting yourself out there

@rav3n @Glisten @tyme @Shaz51 @Oaktree @MJG017 @Ru-bee @creative_writer @PeppyPatti a taste of my decor...it's so liberating!

Thank you for all your messages of support. Have a joyful festive season!

By the way, I bought new dance heels. And I've been to dance events for two consecutive weekends

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