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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme yeah, hours drive north

Glad to be home now though, my lower back doesn't like foam camp mattresses.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Did you find it edifying, spiritually? @avant-garde I guess that's the main thing?

Do a lot of people go?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme I think this sums it up more than mere sentences can

25 hours felt like so long

and for a time it really was

copious triggers, a bit too much

surviving was enough

now into the final hours

I can see what a help it has been

relationships I had discounted

I didn't imagine this

to feel somehow connected

though the only single here

some would say "represent!"

that i could feel happy here

yes sometimes overwhelming

yes, all a bit too much

but that even in my darkest moment

knowing and feeling, loved

singing old familiar hymns

in a place with actual acoustics

is this what real church feels like?

have I felt like this before?

for this brief, uncertain moment in time

feeling connection I felt was lost

building relationships, I didn't expect

friendships that didn't hurt

to now look upon the final hour

have a peace and a smile on my face

I didn't expect this, I'd lost hope

on this concept, maybe familiar, grace

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

That is profound @avant-garde . I can't even describe the feeling I have within me after reading that poem.

Hugs

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

my writing blows you away doesn't it?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running


@avant-garde wrote:

@tyme

my writing blows you away doesn't it?


Totally @avant-garde .

It feels like there is so much within you that is bursting to come out, so it's about finding a way for the words to form in their perfect way.

I am in awe.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n!

Just finished watching Bonhoeffer in the cinema, how are you?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

heyooo @avant-garde how was Bonhoeffer? and how are you going?

also read that you conquered the church camp, proud of ya for getting through it!!!

i'm good! did some shopping this morning and had to get myself a cushion for my car seat cos i'm too short to see ahead comfortably 😆

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Bonhoeffer was intense! But so completely captivating! I actually had no idea who he was originally... just heard Christian war movie and it sounded interesting

I'm justifiably struggling... a lot of anniversaries this week...

I have a back cushion for my car, but although being not even 6 foot I'm too tall for some cars

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

ooo your review of it makes it sounds really interesting!! i've watched a couple war movies in the past and loved them, so i reckon this might be up my alley too @avant-garde

ahh that sounds tough!! gentle hugs to you 💙 hope you're staying kind to yourself and taking breaks whenever you need.

so it sounds like being short isn't the problem... cars just gotta make more comfortable seats & adjust the ceiling height!!

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