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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde not in my experience hun! Nah entitlement is not a vibe I've ever gotten from you.

I think you are entitled - to peace, support, community, and safety, just like everyone else here. But you don't act like you are entitled, especially not to anyone else's time, energy, or resources. You're so fine.

Your worth is immeasurable, and you matter to soooo many, even on the days it doesn't feel like it. I know I always value our times when we get to connect!!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

It felt like the response from the detective... it was so invalidating and painful... that it was just reinforced today... I mean all my life I feel like nobody has wanted me... and that I'm just too broken now that anybody would actually want me around...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde it would be difficult to come to a different conclusion with the experiences you've had - so many important figures in your life who have reinforced this lie.

It might not be today that you are able to wholeheartedly believe in your value, in your worth... But that day will come. I see in you the compassion and wondrous whimsy that I so dearly value in the people whom I choose to keep around in my life. So you gotta be something special!

May the right people find you some day soon, people who can see the truth of your wonderfully kind heart just as I do 😊💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

*curls up in a blanket cocoon crying*

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde *ensures coccoon is all tucked in*

*wraps arms around for biggest hug*

I deliver to you a BIG PILE of warm and loving vibes hun. I am off for tonight but hopefully catch you on the weekend! Rest well, and remember that you mean the world to us here 😊💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

TV spreadsheet

So image 1 shows the tv shows I try to keep up to date with

  • green means seen
  • yellow means currently watching
  • red means I haven't started that season yet
  • Crossed out means I've watched it all and it's not continuing.
  • The date is when it was released in the current year.

TV spreadsheet (episodes)

The second image is where I'm up to in the current season

  • Green means seen
  • Yellow is predicted amount of episodes
  • Red is episode available but unseen
  • The first column is the relevant season
  • Second column is day that it becomes available each week

@rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

omgggg LOVE how organised the spreadsheet is!! @avant-garde my powerpoint is no where near this detailed lol i need one of these. i'm seeing a lot of crime-related shows, is that your fav genre to watch? and i feel like you need an award or something for watching shows with so many seasons and eps!!

also really appreciate you sharing this with me!!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Crime, medical, investigative...

I also like renovation shows and really like history too

Mysteries at the museum is fascinating, but I like shows like good bones and home town kickstart too.

When calls the heart is historical Christian fiction

I like trivia shows too

During covid I watched all the power rangers episodes and movies in order... yes starting with mighty morphing power rangers... that has its own spreadsheet...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

have you watched grey's anatomy? @avant-garde that's the longest show i've watched (i'm not up to date atm, stopped around s20).

those shows sound really interesting, looks like you've got a wide taste in shows!! did you watch task masters? i only watched bits of it but even that was really entertaining.

power rangers!!! omg haven't watched that in ages - applaud your dedication! do you watch anime and cartoons? like avatar the last airbender?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Just got home... drivers are bleh...

I did like Grey's anatomy but I prefer less soap and more medicine.

I like the real life stuff more.

Task masters has too many crude jokes and sexual references.

I liked legends of Korra more than avatar but do enjoy them typically

@rav3n

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