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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee @Jynx

"You had earlier indicated that you did not want the report investigated and didn’t have capacity to go through the process that police use to finalise a statement- so the investigation was filed."

"The police system shows that there have been a number of investigations which have occurred previously. Please understand that I am not in a position to ‘re-investigate’ those matters and they will not be dealt with again as those matters are now closed. You need to find suitable therapeutic means to achieve the closure that you need for those matters, and I know that you are doing your best to work through many complex issues."

Duck them! Just taking the decision from me all over again! They have me hope and dashed it!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

This is after they had you come in and make a statement? @avant-garde

If this was going to be the outcome couldn't they have made it clear from the beginning rather than have you go through all of that only to hear that it's not going to be investigated?

I'm so sorry this is the outcome, though I'm really proud of the strength and courage you showed by going through this process

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee they didn't even finish the statement

They said for them to investigate I would need to be willing to go to court

I'm just a waste of time to them

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I'm sorry, I can only imagine how disheartening that would feel @avant-garde

Have you spoken about it with your friend who came with you?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee I screenshotted the entire email and sent it to her, she hasn't replied

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Okay @avant-garde well I'm here with you. I'm gonna make a cuppa and sit right here

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee I have my coffee now, talked to my case manager, she's going to check in on me again later.

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh gosh yep, one-on-one defs sounds like the better option. did you meet up with this new person already (if so, how'd it go???)

i reckon the option 2 is something that takes time and practice. like you going out with this one person from church is a good way of practice - i'm assuming you agreed to see this person because you could potentially see yourself trusting them (hence low risk of invalidation) - so in a way, by reaching out and putting yourself out there in these 1-on-1 settings, you're starting the development process!!

also just read your recent posts, i'm so sorry that they've said that to you. i feel so frustrated with the response they gave you, i can't even begin to imagine how this must make you feel. regardless, i too am so proud of you for trying and pushing through. your strength does not go unnoticed.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n yes just finished, it went well actually... she happy to meet with me every 2 weeks... this is what I've wanted for such a long time... someone to give me the time of day...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

yayyyy!! @avant-garde so glad it went well. did you feel you emotionally deflected with her today?

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