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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Aurelia

@Jynx

Playing cards decks, typical 4 suits and 2 jokers

This is the first one I'm getting

I'm curious, why are you glad that we connect like this? How do you think it brings meaning?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oooo pretty!! You do any card magic? hehe

Hmm good question! Well, firstly, that you can bring out my inner child is a very delightful thing - any opportunity to be playful makes my soul sing!

Secondly, you've demonstrated integrity to me by always being honest about when my words or quality of presence is unhelpful. This builds trust, which makes everything a lot easier - both in terms of the work I do (Cos I can always trust you to let me know when you need something different, it takes a lot of the guess work out of it for me lol) and in terms of the connection we've built! I can be honest and authentic... and then it feels like you see me, and not my role as a worker.

Thanks for the prompt, it's always nice to take the time to reflect 😊 Hope I've answered your question! 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I can shuffle and play go fish 😅 I'm actually really good at solitaire

My inner child gets very carried away with yours I think. Mine loves suncatchers, not the painting kind, the melty kind and we found one in an op shop yesterday of a purple and blue fairy but we don't have an oven so may need to borrow someone else's.

I think it's worth noting that my inner child, she finds it hard to be playful and be herself when I'm not taken care of, if someone is hurting me she will defend me fiercely. It's not her place and she's learning, but the fact that she's playful with you around means she's confident you won't hurt me.

She's like that with the other workers but often doesn't come out, but she doesn't get defensive at least, she's learning.

It is interesting that you say I see you... my best friend and kind of little sister... she's as smart as anything but is in a wheelchair, needed one since she was a child, people treat her like she's stupid and not all there.

When we started getting to know each other she said one reason she likes me is that I don't see her chair, I don't treat her differently or anything, I treat her like the beautiful and smart person that she is. I'm told that it's a gift, it's part of who I am.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde ohhh what's the difference? I googled sun catchers to see if I could figure it out - I know the like, stain glass ones and the hanging mobile ones, what ones are you most fond of?

Aww bless! A fiery lil one, it makes me happy we get to play together! And it sounds like you're really showing her compassion, whilst also guiding her gently towards a more integrated self, i.e. where you and your inner child are guided by the same values and moving toward the same goals. It's beautiful to see!

It's like your baseline method of operating is seen as a gift! Which I think says more about society than anything else... Definitely need more folks who operate this way methinks! Sounds like this friend and you have a real nice connection 😊

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Paint pot type - plastic base

Tissue paper type - plastic base

Melty/crystal type - metal base

Paint pen type - plastic base

@Jynx you clearly need to be educated.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oooh yes I sure did!! Wow so many different kinds!! Hmm I've been meaning to find something to put up in my one window that looks out towards the park. Maybe a suncatcher!! Where do you like to get yours from?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx riot art and craft actually, but I've exhausted their designs!

I just find them randomly now

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Ahaha nice one @avant-garde - does that mean whenever it's sunny, you've got rainbows flying all around your space? Cos that sounds AMAZING and you've definitely inspired me!! Off to riot I go hehehe

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx no, they're all in storage somewhere, haven't quite found them yet

I'm pretty sure riot don't have physical stores anymore

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde aww true, glad they're kept safe then! Maybe one day you'll get a chance to pull em out to show em off 😉

Oh for real? To the internet then! Or I could pop to a Dean's Art somewhere... Been a minnit since I've been in an art store, I tend to need adultier adults around to supervise me else I'll spend too much money on pretty things to make 🤣

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