Running

I'm so tired @Jynx there's just been so much

I know they're just virtual hugs but I really do appreciate them

*crash tackle hugs crying*

@avant-garde universe is gonna give you a break soon, surely!! Can be sooo hard to carve out time for rest, hey.

Virtual hugs may not carry physicality but to me, the idea that there's a real human being on the other side of the screen, not just reading my words but finding meaning in them? Yeah that's pretty special!! So yes, much hugging and gentle tears!!

@Jynx who knows, maybe... I found myself doubting my progress on both Friday and yesterday because of what other people who don't know me said...

@avant-garde I offer an ear, with the caveat that I will be logging off soon so we would have to pick up again tomorrow. Up to you if you feel like unpacking it now (get it off chest so it's not swirling round brain) or wait till I can offer more time n space (so you're not all emotionally heightened and then I go 'okay byeeeeee' and leave you to deal w it alone).

But yeah, really sorry that has happened. These people who don't know you? They don't know what you've been through. They don't see the challenges you've overcome. So they don't get to decide where you're at! Hmph!

@Appleblossom said I could talk to her (assuming female here...) so I've been drafting a reply...

You can catch up tomorrow @Jynx

I'm not great at self validation but I think I'm doing decently enough given everything and I sometimes wish I was disrespectful enough to tell him where to shove it.

I find people of other faiths more respectful than Christians, there's something to be said for the assumption of grace

@avant-garde

hey

yep girl plumbing but half bloke… in some ways… in the old days it was just being a tomboy .. in later years I have trained myself to wear some pink… but it took work

yep sometimes Christians can be a bit unchristian… so many paradoxes in this world

Will do @avant-garde and bless you @Appleblossom you gorgeous thing. Knowing you're here for each other warms me muchly!! 🥰

Chat to ya tomorrow lovelies 💜

@Appleblossom

That's confusing but ok. Next time I'll just ask what your pronouns are, that's easier.

I know @Jynx is they/them

I sent my assigned elder a message this morning, it basically summarises everything from yesterday

TW: religious concepts

@avant-garde

Given the seriousness of your experiences which twisted the Christian message of love…it shows real courage, commitment, dedication, discernment and GRACE to work on the concept of contentment in Christ.

I am impressed and respect your effort. It is probably the only healthy way through the debacle you were born into. That is a true spiritual path.

Go You!

sorry I lost first draft … so took a while to respond

regarding church and elders… it’s complicated cos they are human….

the individual church and its style and the way it lives out its mission or faith…. Can all differ

####

I was treated appallingly by the church I grew up in… even though I tried hard to understand all their problems and limitations and be forgiving … but only stand in silent protest. They were in denial… couldn’t face the truth and I had to leave…now I am in another church.

####

sorry I am old school re pronouns and a bit autistic and screwed up… so I need to engage with it as me… not the person next to me.

maybe this is a way of me putting down boundaries… that I am hopeless at…all tied up with how we perceive identity and sexuality and or gender…

I just want to post you something…. Not leave you hanging

@avant-garde

Your communication with your elder seemed clear and respectful and it was good you were able to be authentic. You seemed to be able to combine insights from psychology and Christianity. Maybe a natural boundary is some separation around discussion of any legal proceedings.