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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Awww @avant-garde . Not quite yet.

My youngest niece just 'graduated' from Kinder. She wants to be an 'Inventor' when she grows up... so maybe I'll ask her to invent one and we can both use it?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Did you get her a kinder surprise?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

When we were overseas, I got her two kinder surprises, but not for her graduation.. she was actually so so so sick on her 'graduation'. I didn't think she'd make it. She held it and when she came home, she just cried and cried... then vomited and vomited lol @avant-garde

So yeah.. a graduation to remember.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

You would probably like the book I'm listening to

Hope Beyond the Waves by Heidi Chiavaroli

It tells the story of a girl named Atta and the leper colony she gets sent to when she was 19 and had contracted leprosy somehow in 1916.

Her younger sister Gertie gets left behind with their abusive dad.

In tells the story in parallel with Gertie's story in 1993 when her granddaughter comes to live with her due to her being pregnant and her dad on the campaign trail.

Two stigmatised outsiders.

I'm about half way through

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

No, I don' tknow that one, but it sounds so interesting @avant-garde I'll add it to my list.

Believe it or not, guess what I'm doing this evening and have been doing for a while? I've going through every SINGLE one of your posts in this thread from the very start. I'm on page 67 at the moment...

Enjoy your book.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

It mentions old hymns like "his eyes are on the sparrow" and "loving Shepherd of thy sheep"

Is there any particular reason you're reading every post?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Cool @avant-garde ! I love those hymns!

I'm looking for a particular post that I want to re-read and as I re-read the thread, I can see your 'journey' up until this day.

I do this from time to time on different threads including my own from when I first signed up to the forums many years ago.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I look over my old poetry from time to time for the same reason, I like seeing how far I've come and how different I am

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

It's interesting to see people's journey @avant-garde . You might need to write your own book! You've got so much to share. It may not feel like it, but when I read even just this thread, it is amazing to see that even though you've experienced so much hurt, you continue to go to church, you continue to push on, you continue to reward yourself with kinder surprises and happy meals. It's pretty amazing.

I'm heading off very soon. Please take care and if I see you tomorrow, I'll be on in the late afternoon.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Chapter 30 - "Christ touched the untouchable when he touched our sin"

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