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Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor25 Nov 2024, 10:10 pm AEDT

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

AuntGlowModerator27 Nov 2025, 2:54 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Of course. @avant-garde

And I appreciate that. ☺️

It doesn't need to be big right now, knowing that it's there and you can see it (even a glimpse) is really wonderful.

If you are able to tap into that space today - the part that's asking for help - what does it have to say? As in, why does it feel like it's important for you to try and challenge these beliefs?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor27 Nov 2025, 3:00 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

I wrote this last night

TW: SA, religion

Content/trigger warning

my head I feel is grappling

contradictions in his words
he told me sex is what sanctified
but also no virginity is no worth

could my friend have been right?
that it was just manipulation?
could virginity simply be
a type of social construct?

but the Bible in the old laws
says for sex inside marriage
it alludes to virginity
but then there's also rape

virginity is lost in sex
sex is meant for marriage
then virginity is lost in marriage
but with rape that's not the case

rape is taking advantage
it means that I did nothing wrong
I was just a child
who was taught I don't belong

my virginity was taken
I had no control
his words, manipulation
to say I had no worth

my worth wasn't stolen from me
when my virginity was
God still chose to save me
after my virginity was gone

when he said I wasn't worth it
he was lying to me
Dinah, Tamar, Rahab
God still set them free

from rape to prostitution
no virginity in these stories
what was done didn't change God's love
and it didn't change their worth

could it be my friend was right?
that I could still be dressed in white?
that I'm as precious from times before?
that I could have intrinsic worth...

my head I feel is grapplingcontradictions in his wordshe told me sex is what sanctifiedbut also no virginity is no worthcould my friend have been right?that it was just manipulation?could virginity simply bea type of social construct?but the Bible in the old lawssays for sex inside marriageit alludes to virginitybut then there's also rapevirginity is lost in sexsex is meant for marriagethen virginity is lost in marriagebut with rape that's not the caserape is taking advantageit means that I did nothing wrongI was just a childwho was taught I don't belongmy virginity was takenI had no controlhis words, manipulationto say I had no worthmy worth wasn't stolen from mewhen my virginity wasGod still chose to save meafter my virginity was gonewhen he said I wasn't worth ithe was lying to meDinah, Tamar, RahabGod still set them freefrom rape to prostitutionno virginity in these storieswhat was done didn't change God's loveand it didn't change their worthcould it be my friend was right?that I could still be dressed in white?that I'm as precious from times before?that I could have intrinsic worth...

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator27 Nov 2025, 5:41 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Thank you so much for sharing this with me @avant-garde.

Firstly, I want to validate just how understandable it is that you hold this belief - to have experienced this so young with someone you were taught to trust - of course it was confusing and painful messaging for you.

Even so, it seems you have found some answers throughout your poetry?

The queries and questions around 'could it be that I have intrinsic worth' show me that you're able to challenge this core belief.

Perhaps, we could look at ways that intrinsic worth could feel safe for your nervous system to hold? For example, you have mentioned God here, so I am wondering if prayer could be helpful?

💛

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor27 Nov 2025, 8:33 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

Prayer and my Bible and scriptures are great but I know all those, I do all those... I wrote 24 poems on Psalm 139, one for each verse... poetry is like the battle between head and heart for me... it's how I grapple... it's how it shifts... poetry and music...

I had peer support group today and I was real about this... I needed some help with this... to feel less alone in this... I found out one of the regular participants... she said she wants to be like me... even before I shared...

Then after, they saw the strength it took to share something like that... it feels like the scales are starting to maybe tilt...

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator30 Nov 2025, 10:06 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@avant-garde wrote:

@AuntGlow

Prayer and my Bible and scriptures are great but I know all those, I do all those... I wrote 24 poems on Psalm 139, one for each verse... poetry is like the battle between head and heart for me... it's how I grapple... it's how it shifts... poetry and music...

I had peer support group today and I was real about this... I needed some help with this... to feel less alone in this... I found out one of the regular participants... she said she wants to be like me... even before I shared...

Then after, they saw the strength it took to share something like that... it feels like the scales are starting to maybe tilt...

Thank you for sharing this with me @avant-garde. I can see that poetry allows you to understand and grapple with how you're feeling... maybe that is the answer to challenging your beliefs? To me, it reads like poetry allows you space for self-compassion; and you undeniably deserve that, Avant.

And, wow - that's so beautiful and shows me just how much you have to offer by just being you. 🥹

I can only imagine how much strength it must have taken you to share.

What do the scales tilting look and feel like for you?

And as always, thank you for sharing your poetry and vulnerability with us. 💛

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor03 Dec 2025, 7:42 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@Ru-bee

I I didn't mean to hurt her...

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator04 Dec 2025, 12:13 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Hello @avant-garde 💛

I just saw your comment on the other thread and wanted to check-in here, so I am not tagging you over there.

Are you okay?

In response to: Re: Running

Ru-beeModerator04 Dec 2025, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde I know you didn't. For me reading that thread I only saw good intentions from both ends, but like I said it can be easy to get these things mixed up . It happens and it's okay

How are you doing today?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor04 Dec 2025, 12:57 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

I'm not ok I'm really not

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator04 Dec 2025, 1:05 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Okay, what are you sensing that you might need in this moment? @avant-garde 💛

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