Running

@rav3n

I was at the hospital visiting Jasmine and they were doing nurse handover

The new nurse assumed I was Jasmine's mum

My eldest would be near on Jasmine's age

I'd never made that connection before

hey @avant-garde 💙

oh wow, that realisation would've been a lot to reflect on. how are you feeling?

@rav3n

I felt like I was punched in the gut and the wind knocked out of me

I still feel angry at the nurses from yesterday, they treated Jasmine quite poorly

And their comments were unnecessarily cruel.

Me though, right now, I feel like a ghost

sucks to hear that Jasmine hasn't been treated too well 😕 but i'm also glad that she's not alone and has you looking out for her @avant-garde how's Jasmine doing, is she feeling better?

a ghost sounds lonely. sending you gentle hugs🫂

@rav3n

Jasmine hopefully gets to go home today

I miss my little ones and seeing the woman that my eldest could've been, though I was still a child myself when I conceived her, a wave of grief and hurt washed over me that I became like an empty shell, so stuck in my past that not even time with Jasmine made me smile after that, like a darkness fell over me that I still haven't quite come out from today

@avant-garde omg yay, glad to she's well enough to go home!!

what you've said makes a lot of sense. when we've lost someone, it's hard not to imagine how their future could've looked like and feel a mix of emotions around it. especially when the nurse's comment is still fresh in your mind, i imagine it'll take some time to process hey? maybe it's like that saying about how grief comes in waves - this might be a wave and we all have our own way of riding it out. is there something that helps you process or honour your grief?

@rav3n

Writing about them, sharing their existence with others, for so long I've been quiet and had to keep my mouth shut.

They existed rav3n and I carried them, I carried them all

they existed. what you went through with them was real, and i'm glad you're talkin about it.

that reminded me of one of the artworks you created for them a while back @avant-garde. you absolutely deserve to share their existence 💙

@rav3n

For so long their existence was denied and I was told that I was lying but it's not something you can ever forget

having people deny your truth is so awful. we're always here to listen, and importantly, we believe you 💙 @avant-garde