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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I got pretty things today and get to go see Jasmine tomorrow.

I'm taking her a small crochet otter that says "you're otter-ly amazing"

I got it for me, but it'll get a laugh out of her.

And it's not like I can't get more.

Trauma-versaries are different, I have complete control over those and schedule down to the minute.

It's more similar to a church service level of preparation, planning for the unknown of that makes sense.

Before surgery is a minute by minute planning but after its a church service kind of plan, what will help me emotionally stabilise and ground...

Does that make sense?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde that is so unbelievably cute 😍 You otter believe she'll love that! Hehehe

It does make sense - is there a stark difference in the kinds of things you put in place in one situation vs the other? Sounds like you could potentially combine the strategies...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

That's what my head is trying to do... combine them...

But my emotions kind of hit and the triggers become overwhelming when I start thinking about it

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Mm @avant-garde sounds both frustrating and overwhelming. Do you find it helpful to write it all down somewhere? Perhaps you could work on the plan a little bit at a time, with lots of self-care in between?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

My therapist said she would email a form through for me to fill out with my case manager, however she hasn't done so yet.

I just wish there was a kind of template for survivors you know?

Maybe I make the template myself...

Maybe that's the first step...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh that sounds like such a good idea @avant-garde - and potentially helpful for many people!

Do you have the kind of relationship w your therapist where you could poke to remind?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I've only just started with her, but shall give her a couple of days given that she doesn't work Friday and I only saw her Thursday.

My first question on the form is "what is likely to trigger me before the surgery?"

Part of it is actually the mask to put me to sleep, I do better with pathology tests than I do masks!

The rest of it is not knowing, so now I'm researching.

The procedure is called "zadek's procedure" and it takes 10-30 minutes under general

I'm gathering references to the answers now too

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh good starting point! Hope the research also offers some relief in the clarity 😊

Could some of the questions that are often included in suicide safety plans also help guide the process?

If you feel like sharing the questions with the community at any point, I reckon that'd be ace! Only if you're comfy doing so of course.

I am sorry but I've either missed or forgotten when the surgery is, and I'll be away tomorrow so I wanted to wish you a smooth process and swift recovery - just in case. I hope you get a medical team who is gentle and understanding of your needs too 🤞

(づᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

It's not until next year! They haven't given me a date yet

And maybe it could be a newsletter article?

What do you think @Ru-bee @rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Ohh that would not help with the feelings of uncertainty @avant-garde! I hope you get more info soon 🤞

And that is a great idea!! I am off tomorrow, so I will be keen to see how you go over the course of the week. And hope that you can do lots of self-care along the way, maybe even a little treat hehe 💜

Sending some hugs your way hun, catch you next week!

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

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