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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde good luck with dentist!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

One more filling then start looking at dentures... apparently there's metal and acrylic, metal is smaller and more comfortable but with me eventually needing more teeth removed, acrylic will allow for more false teeth to be added...

It's not whether I get more teeth out, it's when...

Stupid parents.

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I've just come back from picking my brother up from his work.

Thank you for trusting me sweetheart, I know that's a huge issue and I feel honoured that you trust me.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I am the same re teeth. I am missing 5 teeth from my top set including 3 at the front and 5 from the bottom including 2 in the front. I am embarrassed to open my mouth most days and for ages I felt too self conscious to go out. It affected me greatly but now I am learning not to care so much.

I could indirectly blame my dad as my depression/BPD2 is genetic. Prescription drugs are to blame for my teeth as it caused dry mouth and I also have a high plaque build up.

I asked my dentist for dentures but he reckons I need to keep my teeth. What's the point when I know they are going to all become rotten like the other ones.

Some parents suck big time.

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde hot diggity I am so forgetful. Sorry to post bomb you sweetie, I completely forgot to add a photo and see what you think.

This is the violet plant I want to get for you. Let me know if it's what you like 🙂

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

I don't mind the post bombing from you

Others who tag me for a tags sake without wanting direct communication with me just drive me nuts and I tend to ignore them

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde phew! And yes, I understand what you mean. Sometimes I am tagged and I wonder why.

How are you feeling after the dentist?

I'm going to go get dinner ready shortly, but will be around in about an hour if you still want to chat. I am happy either way 🙂

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

I used my air fryer for the first time on my own today for my dinner, kangaroo burgers and chips 🙂

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

Oh and yes I love the look of the violets 💜

I had my usual dentist today and she's pleasant enough, I have a dentist survival kit that does me ok.

I have to use this high concentration fluoride toothpaste that you can only get from chemists though and I don't like flossing because I can't handle when there's blood on the floss... too much of a trigger

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde kangaroo burgers and chips, yum! Good on you using the air fryer too, they are really good once you get the hang of them. I am still learning mine!

I am on the same toothpaste, Neutrafluor 5000 plus. $12 for a small tube at my chemist.
I have the same problem with flossing, and even brushing sometimes. I can understand your reluctance to floss, it would be awful to have that trigger you.

I'm glad you have a decent dentist, it certainly helps. Mine is okay, he didn't believe me when I told him I have high plaque build up so that upset me. I do like how they have a TV on the ceiling so I can watch scenic views that they put on while the dentist is working on my teeth.

My two front teeth are just stubs and the nerves are exposed so I am constantly putting xylocaine on them to numb them and prevent the pain.

Glad you like the violets, as soon as I have it I'll post some photos for you.

Hope your night goes well, I am going to do a diamond painting and then massage my shoulders as they are aching from leaning forward at my laptop. Argh getting old stinks!

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