Running

@Jynx

Yeah, afternoon free tomorrow

Morning free Tuesday

Therapy Tuesday too, going to print it for her

It's just suddenly so real you know?

Thank you for sharing @avant-garde.

Well, Mindful Mondays is quite a free-for-all at the moment! How would you feel about starting this topic in there tomorrow?

I would love to see you explore this, I am sure lots of people will benefit from it with you. 💛

For sure @avant-garde it can be like writing/saying it makes it real, you know? But I do also think, or at least, in my own experience, making it real is the first step towards acceptance and healing. I'm proud of you 💜

@AuntGlow

We'll see how I am tomorrow, not taking anything else on at the moment

@Jynx

You'd be right, I've been so scared to "make it real"... I've handled so much and finally I felt ready, with secure housing, routine, my cat and a half decent support network... but it's just that I couldn't hold it anymore... and I didn't have to... it did take something like 9 hours though

Sounds like it really needed to come out @avant-garde, wow. I hope this helps shift some stuff for you hun, even if it all feels heavy and disturbing at present, it won't forever.

Nine hours is pretty monumental!! How are you travelling this evening? Notice anything in your body that feels unusual or different?

@Jynx

TW: Graphic description

But then shaking and my shoulders so so tense

It's almost like my entire body is constricted and my stomach like it's going to vomit

Just added a wee TW @avant-garde

I really hear how much this is sitting physically. For me, tight throat means either I'm welling up with tears, or I'm going into anxiety shut down - where it feels like I can't find my voice, and I feel very small. I'm gonna guess it's a bit of both for you hun?

@Jynx

Yeah both... driving to church was the worst and I kept thinking I was nuts, churches do this to me and just kept saying that this one is different... this one is different...

I'm reading through it...

What they did was wrong it was so very wrong...

Without wanting to presume too much about your process @avant-garde, do you think it is helpful to be re-reading it right now?

I am sorry that you have been conditioned into so much self-doubt. That is hard to break away from, but I see you doing so every. single. day. You're quite incredible you know.