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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Hearing you hun. @avant-garde That mother figure in one's life can mean so so much, particularly in this space. Please know we care and we want the best for you.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

I'm reminded of the song Chuckie sings in Rugrats in Paris

[Chorus]

I want a mom that will last forever

I want a mom to make it all better

I want a mom that will last forever

I want a mom who love me whatever

[Verse 1]

I want a mom to take my hand and make me feel like a holiday

A mom to tuck me in at night And chase the monsters away

I want a mom to read me stories and sing a lullaby

And if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]

And when she says to me that she'll always be there

To watch and protect me, I don't have to be scared

O, and when she says I will always love you,

I want need to worry cause i'll know that it's true

[Verse 3]

I want a mom when I get lonely, to take the time to play

A mom who can be a friend and find a rainbow when it gray

I want a mom to read me stories and sing a lullaby

And if I find a bad dream, to hold me when I cry

[Tag]

I want a mom

I want a mom that will last forever

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Ooo! I don't know that song, but I 'hear' what you are saying through it.

Please know we're with you @avant-garde .

I'll check in with you again tomorrow if that's okay?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

Yeah, I'd like that

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

Hi @tyme

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde ,

How are the feelings today?

I thought I'd check-in with you as promised.

Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

I was doing well and then I got home and the property manager and one of the site managers were here and I'm not going to miss the lack of privacy and security here, anyone can break into these units and see into them through the main window

To see two guys in my window... it set me off more than a little

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Oh dear @avant-garde ! Sorry to hear that it was such an activator for you. You've got another week to go?

Sitting with you.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

Thursday next week

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

I'm not on for long tonight, but I wanted to check if there is anything we can do to help you feel a little better tonight? @avant-garde

Hugs to you.

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