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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Aww hun, that's so so precious. Please don't let anyone or anything ever take those memories away. @avant-garde

And yes, you ARE worth it and worth fighting for 🙂

I hope to keep talking about it mid week when I'm on next.

Please take care and look after yourself until then.

Hugs.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx ?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Big steps and triggering questions and I need someone to hear and understand me and how hard today was

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Allo @avant-garde how you going hun?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I'm all ears.... or, all eyes anyway. Let me know if there's anything you want behind spoiler tags or anything! Here with ya 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I went and booked my cervical screening test today...

TW: pregnancy, miscarriage, abortion

Content/trigger warning
The form asked if I'd ever been pregnant... they only gave 7 boxes... 42 doesn't fit in 7 boxes...
They asked the age of pregnancy... 6-21 years old... multiple a year...
They asked gestation period... I don't know
They asked live birth... none
They asked termination... all
They asked about STI's... I don't know

I don't know how many I miscarried though...

I usually like forms... I hated this one...

@Jynx

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Are you ok?

I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh noooo somehow I missed your notification @avant-garde let me reply properly hold on

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh my gosh hun!! That is sooo heavy. I can imagine it to be a very intense and emotional experience, whilst also inadvertedly sparking some shame for you? I hope the staff are more gentle and caring!

How you feeling, how is everything sitting for you now?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx waiting patiently for you to reply didn't exactly help

I feel broken and worthless and as if I'm still pregnant, like something is missing

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