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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

*kicks wall with steel caps*

@tyme

Why don't Christians preach in light of abuse

In response to: Running

AuntGlowModerator

Re: Running

Hello @avant-garde, just checking in. How are you feeling this evening? ✨

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@AuntGlow I think I'm ok

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator

Re: Running

@avant-garde Okay, okay is good. What have you been doing for yourself this evening? ☺️

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

Skimming over sermons to find any that take into account what honouring your father and mother looks like in abusive households and therefore realising how much of a trauma inducing culture Christianity actually is.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

I hate feeling invisible. I miss @Jynx.

They unit above me made a really loud thud that made my walls shake.

I got really scared.

It was right above me.

I'm shaking now.

Also crying.

I put the volume up 12 notches.

Gradually reducing the volume again.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@PrincessLettuce

You're not normally around and interacting, what's going on with the PSW's? Do you know if @Jynx is ok? They were going to help me celebrate my 7 years clean tomorrow

I had lunch with a 2 friends of mine (husband and wife) to celebrate but the husband was a jerk to his wife and she left in tears and they didn't even congratulate me.

It feels like it doesn't matter anymore

@tyme @Ru-bee @rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

I feel like nobody is going to notice anyway, but sure let's try and just fail again

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde ,

SANE had a two-day conference so our counsellors were holding the fort.

I was around a bit on both days though.

In response to: Re: Running

MissGremlinSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@avant-garde here for you sweet. Would you like to chat?

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