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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

151 - 160 of 3,558

In response to: Running

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde I'm here still 🙂 How are you doing? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@RiverSeal

I'm tired, emotional and hurt

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way @avant-garde. Did something happen or trigger you today? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@RiverSeal

I think it's been happening for a few weeks...

I have been on this quiz afternoon for months and I recently got transferred to a new events team member...

She hasn't been nice at all... she's taken it from being my event and something I control to something that causes me a lot of distress.

  • She wouldn't let me send the initial date change email
  • She refused to do things I asked
  • She lost her temper at me numerous times
  • She says she's there to help but then fails to work with me
  • She has been the opposite of patient and understanding

Her eldest is neurodivergent and I see how she treats her, it's how she treated me.

I got so upset and so distressed today that I called someone in tears that I didn't want to do the event because of how she had made me feel about the event, that it was all on my shoulders and I couldn't expect any help from her.

I think she was bullying me

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Sorry to hear that you have been going through that @avant-garde and it sounds like you have been dealing with it for a few weeks now. How have you been coping with it up until now? Is there someone you can contact and report her behaviour? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@RiverSeal

I've been breaking down in tears, trying to stand up for myself, only to be told that "oh that's not what I'm doing, I'm only here to help" to then just shut out the world and do it myself.

I'm drafting something now.

The bolded statement, that's gaslighting isn't it?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

It could be gaslighting @avant-garde. Glad you are drafting something! RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

"I am finding it increasingly difficult working with [name removed].

I've tried to address the behaviour towards me but it only briefly provides reprieve.

She has consistently been combative with me and when I've requested help with certain things she has been rude and disrespectful.

When she asked if I wanted her to send a reminder email I received a sharp reaction because I attempted to discuss something with her before giving her an answer in which I then openly asked and there was no response and no action.

This has caused increasing distress that I am finding difficult to handle.

I'm sorry, but I need to prioritise my mental health right now and I don't have the capacity to consistently push with [name removed] in order for this event to go ahead."

@RiverSeal I've sent this

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Well worded and clear @avant-garde. How do you feel now that you have sent it? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@RiverSeal

I honestly don't think it will make a difference

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