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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I wish people knew how often I'm in a triggered state, it feels like everywhere, how much it takes to just function, when simply being normal is a trigger. My unit is clean and it's terrifying because I can't hear people come in! might find a little bell for my door

*curls up next to jynxy cat*

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde naww

Yeah a bell would work! Or a booby trap 😋 I make JOKE of course we do NOT advocate for any Home Alone shenanigans to be set up.... teehee

Hope you have a gentle evening hun 💜 Nighty night

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I have a meeting coming up that terrifies me... I plan on sharing a piece of poetry that may just change our friendship...

She found it hard to believe that I'm scared of church and I want to tell her why, but rather I wrote it and want to see her response as she reads it... I hope she takes it ok, I hope she believes me...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I do not lose my temper, I do not lose my temper.

I am not dictated by others in terms of my recovery.

@Jynx

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde hey hun, holding onto temper sure is rough. Something I've had to work on a lot my own self! Have you had a space to safely express your anger yet?


@avant-garde wrote:

I am not dictated by others in terms of my recovery.


Darn tootin! Your agency is worth protecting!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Not before this weird old lady approached me in supermarket and told me that I'm from a foreign country and asked me all these questions that were none of her business and completely freaked me out

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh my stars @avant-garde I would have found that pretty confronting too!!

Hope you're home in your own space now?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I would be if it weren't for Bible study tonight

Why do old people smell weird?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running


@avant-garde wrote:

Why do old people smell weird?


@avant-garde feel like there's gotta be like an educational youtube doco on it or something, surely 😅

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Home safe now, have a good night and chat tomorrow?

*throws plushies at @Jynx*

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