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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Awww hun @avant-garde . I'm so sorry to hear this. Was Delilah involved in this?

Also, are they aware of your seizures to a point that they could help you?

No need to respond if you don't feel able to.

I'm here if you want an ear.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Yeah I didn't receive a definite response to her going to be there, I received a 'probably'.

They don't take my seizures serious enough to wonder how they can help afterwards, basically it's taking me somewhere quiet and helping me ground, then checking in on me periodically for 3 hours to make sure I'm ok.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Awww @avant-garde . That sounds so hard.

So you have a plan in place as to how you'd like them respond? It sounds like it can be traumatic for all those involved.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I get frustrated that I have Delilah protocols, seizure protocols, trigger protocols and I communicate what I need from them and when it comes to it they don't follow through. They neglect to follow through.

I'll ask how they are at the second service, you're right, it must've been scary for them too

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I had someone from church say that I "had an episode"

A seizure is a lot more than an episode but yes it did upset me further

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Awww @avant-garde , I'm so sorry to hear how invalidating that was for you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Checked in with the 2 from church and they're ok, it did shock them a little, but took it in their stride.

I'm doing better now, my elder said I seemed quite composed given the earlier challenges

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Good on you for going tonight even though you had a seizure this morning @avant-garde

Moving forward, do you need to tell them what you want them to do if you have a seizure in the future? I know you've tried in the past, but are these different members?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I think they kind of figured it out, the one that stayed with me was one that I'd told "this is what you do" and he actually followed through in practice today, so that was encouraging.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

That's so good to know. @avant-garde

How are you feeling now?

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