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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde appreciate you sharing what functional seizures are. that's really hard.

i see, gosh that's tough when you've got limited options too. definitely with you on letting them know you'd prefer a female, fingers crossed that it is possible. how do you feel about letting the chiro know about your functional seizures (and letting them know how you'd like to be supported if it happens)?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Normally there's only 1 male (if that)

I've been going there for over a year now and I've had guys I think before, I don't know why this one was different.

I hadn't thought about how they could support me...

There's one student who is doing more than the usual 5 weeks, she's lovely, I get along with her, she also seemed to notice something off last week, I'm going to ask her if it's possible to just put it on my file.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

the 'not knowing why' is hard @avant-garde when these seizures have happened in the past, what helped you through it?

defs worth asking, let me know how it goes! i'm glad you've got someone there that sees you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Grounding typically, deep breaths, coffee and having a schedule

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

thanks for sharing @avant-garde if you feel comfy, maybe even sharing that with the chiro tomorrow, like letting them know that doing some grounding/deep breaths with you if you have a seizure would be helpful?

hopefully it'll feel less scary knowing that you and the chiro are on the same page.

i'll need hop off soon - wish you all the best for tomorrow's chiro, hope it runs smoothly. night 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee

I have the letter ready to go... large font so it's easy to read (some of their eye sight is going) and uploaded to the printer server at the library...

I hope the problem person is there to hear it and there is no objection to it being read...

It's very well written and considerate and respectful

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running


It's very well written and considerate and respectful


I love reading this affirmation @avant-garde. From what you've shared with us you are doing everything you can to communicate in a clear and respectful way. While we can't know how others will react to hearing this, at least you can know that you've done what you can in this situation

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee

my friend read the letter to the group

the problem person just came in and told me

  • i'm sorry you feel that way
  • i'm sorry for what happened to you in your past
  • i walked away feeling hurt and misunderstood too
  • i walked away feeling like I didn't matter too

she didn't apologise for her behaviour. That's what I needed her to take responsibility for.

@tyme

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

*watches tumbleweed*

*kicks tumbleweed*

*sets tumbleweed on fire*

*smiles at ideas to do with flaming tumbleweed*

@tyme

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

*kicks tumbleweed ash heap*

*jumps in ash heap pile angrily*

*jumps repeatedly creating a cloud of ash*

*sits in remaining ash*

*watches ash fall on her*

ok this seems fitting now

@tyme

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