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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Delilah is still a [insert offensive word] but a friend of mine did manage to get my Winnie the Pooh fabric back in tact

Happy meals make me smile, partially because of you now and that time I drew the face on the box, that was specifically for you

Ebony is good, my best friend told me that she's studying again and doesn't know her schedule but knows she has class on Mondays so I don't know when we'll get to catch up, but I know I'm important to her so she'll make time for me. Now I'm wondering when she knew she would be studying, may need a gentle prompt "yeah you should have told me sooner"

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Thanks for sharing that smile tonight @avant-garde . When you mentioned the smile on the happy meal box, I certainly smiled. Smiling is contagious!

It's certainly so nice to be a kid. I can see how embracing one's inner child can really help recovery.

I'm so glad to have you on the forums 🙂

I have to wrap up and hop off now, but look forward to seeing you in the next few days.

Take care my friend. Look after yourself!

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde

I actually replied to this earlier but i did it on my phone... and I lost it all. I've just got home and go on the PC and it did recover a whole 3 lines of it...

I feel like anything I can say is insufficient. I certainly cant even begin to imagine what you've been through. The only thing I can think of is that you did survive, and survive such horrible and unthinkable things than many other probably wouldn't. So continue to tap into that and try to use it to heal as much as possible.

All I do know is that it is so difficult to understand how so many of the people you should have been able to trust and rely on have failed you so badly and so completely! I don't know how any, even slight empathetic, person could read your story and feel an urge to want to help and support you and try to give you that which was so cruelly and systematically denied to you for so long and when you needed it most. I sincerely hope you can start to find more an more people in your life who can bring that to you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

hiya @avant-garde just read your story, i'm so sorry you've had to experience that. it's really horrific the way you were treated. those are some heavy emotions to sit with, how are you feeling today?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

my adoptive brother broke my boot actuator and won't take responsibility

I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their stupid mistakes.

I still feel like I have so much to do for this quiz afternoon and I just feel defeated today

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

ugh that's frustrating!! so he's not going to chip to pay for the damage at all!? @avant-garde

ooo the quiz is today!! did you end up painting/decorating the treasure box? you've put so much heart and effort into this quiz, i'm sure the kids are really going to appreciate this.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

no he says it was already broken, not his fault. frankly he should've paid at least half, stupid arrogant men making me cry because I don't like fighting with him.

no, it's next weekend, 22nd, I'm kind of glad that it will be over because we've changed the date so much because of homelessness stuff and other people not being there that it sucks.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

ahh siblings can be SOOO annoying sometimes. sorry you had to deal with that @avant-garde honestly this just shows his poor character, you deserve to be treated with way more respect than that.

oh next weekend! that does suck that the dates kept changing, sounds a quite exhausting in terms of the planning/prepping. fingers crossed that a good majority can make it though. i always loved quiz type of games, even if i sucked, it was fun and i reckon that even if ONE person has fun next weekend, it's already made a big difference.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

the friend who did the printing, well he printed an extra 42 sets of activity sheets, I asked for 8 and he printed 50, we're not having 50 tables

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

how did 8 turn into 50 😆 omg well i guess on the bright side you could host another 5 quiz sessions... if i could, i'd love to join in hehe @avant-garde

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