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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde *swoops in for shielding, protective hug* oh darlin, monster indeed. I'm sorry that he still gets to take up real estate in your brain. Can't imagine his birthdays were a fun time for you either.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx no birthdays were fun... not even mine...

*clings tightly and cries*

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde so many stolen birthdays.... That's awful.

Have/would you ever reclaim your birthday, like rewrite the associations and make up for the missed ones?

*sings to you gently*

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I've had a bunch of funerals for various events and holidays... it doesn't change the memories but it does allow for new ones...

It hurts so much... so much was stolen...

Content/trigger warning
my younger brother... he was the one dad trained to be like him... he was meant to take over managing me...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde as in like, a funeral for the concept of the holiday? That's actually so clever, I kinda love that and would totally go to that kind of event.

Aye hun.... so very much was stolen. No matter what they do they can never touch your soul though. They may have tried to control your mind, but your soul is and always was yours. Hence why you've come out of this with your empathy intact.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Yeah, I had a funeral for my birthday, Christmas, Easter, it gave me permission to be sad...

You have 20 minutes left, you should check out cuddles corner before you log off too, I won a new plushie today...

Soul untouched...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde honestly, outstanding recovery activity, love it!!

I just saw!! Hehe what a win!! You and Stitch rugged up together tonight? Hope so!!

Chat again tomorrow? Super comfy sleepy vibes to ya hun, night night! 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Hank (the large bear) seems very comfortable to sleep on!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Hi

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hiya @avant-garde how's your day?

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