Running

@rav3n gah today has not started off great... the female dog from last year has written me a card and my deacon gave it to me just now... I've passed it off to a friend to hold onto during the church service so I can actually focus on the service... I haven't opened it yet... I'm going to need emotional support when I do... and will likely lose my temper... I'll honestly be surprised if the card isn't pink because she knows pink makes me feel sick...

@avant-garde oh wow sounds like a bit of shock to be handed the card now! sounds like a good idea to read it later when you've got that support ready for you, and i really do hope the card isn't pink - that would defs be a cruel thing to do.

do you have a rough idea what the card would be about?

@rav3n some kind of apology apparently...

It makes me feel sick, like physically sick

@avant-garde that physically sick feeling absolutely sucks, sending you gentle hugs 💙

receiving apologies from people who have hurt you can be really heavy and hard to read, so please do take your time and look after yourself. are you thinking of reading it with your support worker by your side?

@rav3n I'm still trying to figure out what to do in terms of my support worker since I realised she's been gaslighting me.

I had another friend of mine read it first and now waiting on my happy meal.

Honestly I could swear on here right now I would be

oh gosh... the pink ☹️ i'd wanna swear too, SUCKS that this what you got from her @avant-garde

and your SW is gaslighting you!? ughh nooo!! defs worth chatting to her about that. glad you had your friend with you, how are you holding up??

hope the happy meal helped a bit, did you get a minecraft toy with it?

@rav3n she alludes to the idea that I don't know what gaslighting looks like and I only have one more session with her anyway and don't want to go.

I use the happy meal box to express my emotions and drew an angry smile on it. Then also tore the box apart so I could write my anger out on the back. That helped a bit. Next week I'll burn the card in my brother's laundry. The pyro in me feels it's justified.

@avant-garde fair enough if you've only got that one session left - what happens after that one session, do you get a diff social worker?

yesss ripping stuff up and angry writing is one my fav anger-release moves too. burning the card sounds cathartic.

@rav3n tagged you in the post, I don't like explaining things multiple times

so fair! just read the post and yikes, a possible 4 month wait!? fingers crossed it's faster. you've always got a place here 💙

also how's your art sessions going?