Running

One of these @avant-garde

It's on its way to you.

@Jynx

Yeah one of those...

*starts crying quietly*

@avant-garde *squishes you into hug a lil tighter*

It's gonna be ok hun. Let it out, I gotchu 💜

@Jynx

I wish people understood... there's still much right now going through my head...

• My social worker invalidating me
• Seeing one of my more recent abusers on Saturday
• A friend from church asking me how can church and Christians be triggers

I don't want advice, I don't want to be told what to do or what anyone would have done better. I just want to be heard!

@avant-garde lack of understanding is such a horribly isolating feeling hey.

I think people get so uncomfortable with our being open about what has happened to us that they feel the urge to 'fix' us. But like.... we're not broken? Can't you just hear me instead of trying to get me to stop talking about it by pushing me to change myself, just cos you're uncomfortable.

@Jynx like on the radio this morning "do you want me to hear you or help you"

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Can we perhaps talk about these one at a time to lessen the current mental load?

@avant-garde seems wise, do you have somewhere you'd like to start? Which one feels like it's most approachable for now?

I am here till 9pm tonight FYI, but also will be back again this Sat cos I'm helpin out!

@Jynx

The first one, my SW invalidating me, it's kind of in the way of dealing with the second one right now...

We kind of started talking about it before...

I do think she has been gaslighting me... it scares me... I don't think she's right in this regard, that he's in any way healthy for me... that I think she's made her decision about me in saying that my trauma brain is overreacting, not entirely... this guy was abusive and controlling and for me, my brain didn't overreact...

@avant-garde like she's forcing a 'pattern' with you when really the pattern is just... the abuse cycle again. From what you said, the way he spoke to you, the way he used particular words to coerce control, and the very fact that this is STILL lingering in your psyche (if she were right, I think your brain would have come to that same conclusion by now).

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@avant-garde wrote:

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@avant-garde wrote:

@Jynx every time I disagree with her she would push so so hard to prove why she's right, that even when I didn't want to talk about something she would make me talk about it to prove why she's right.

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@tyme

The sessions have been less about what I want to get out of it and more what she wants me to understand... I'm glad I only have one session left... but if I'm honest I don't want to go anyway... She's not open to feedback... It's like in Matilda

I'm smart you're dumb

I'm big you're little

I'm right you're wrong

And there's nothing you can do about it

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I'm a smart and clever person, the panic around seeing him again and that word... it proves that he did something wrong... I have come a long way to recover... to improve... my trauma brain may overreact to interpersonal issues, but but I I think it reacted appropriately to him... and that my SW she was wrong... she was wrong

@Jynx