Never being in a relationship

@rav3n @tyme

I want to be in a relationship, I dont want to have to go down the expensive pathway of being a loser and in surrogacy.

I am actually filled with so much rage right now. I have no support on this and I only get rejected and invalidated I hate this planet so much

@rav3n @tyme

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I do not have the evolutionary fitness because I am exhausted all the time and have absolutely no energy to do anything. [edited by moderator]

@rav3n @tyme

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The only stuff I can find are NT crap that essentially blames the man if the date goes poorly.

I am not evolutionary fit and I will die alone

Seriously speaking, the way you share your thoughts on the forums, is that how you speak to people when you are on a date? @Former-Member

Just curious...

I care and that's why I want to tell you that from my point of view, your thought patterns are so unhealthy. It's like you are digging a hole of yourself. It sounds like the world is doing its best to be unjust to you...

Seriously, from my perspective if you want things to change, it comes from you. Not the system mate. If you don't see there is help for people like you - you be the help. If you don't see there are programs for people like you - make the program. If you don't see there are advocates for people like you - then YOU be the advocate.

I've known people who can only see they are the victim. I'd look outside.

Sorry to be so blunt, but we cannot make a person see outside if they don't want to. At the same time, nothing is going to change otherwise.

No need to respond. It just hurts to see the way you post.

Good bye.

@tyme

I dont speak like this because this part of me isn't who I am. I am scared and alone and I dont know where else to go.

Believe me, I have tried to be an advocate and I have tried to make programs and start things. I tried to run a mens mental health group which never got off the ground. I tried running an ND social group that also never got off the ground. I have tried running a dating group that never got off the ground. Also keep in mind all of these things ultimately cost a couple of thousand of dollars to run for nothing to happen, particularly in this cost of living crisis, it hit really hard.

I am not having a go at you or anyone, I dont mean to. I am just so frustrated that we have national mental health organisations that do nothing for people like me. I have repeatedly contacted them as well and found that while they acknowledged it is a gap in the knowledge, some organisations never got back to me or some just ignored my message.

Believe me I am trying so damn hard to be an advocate and I have spent time and money trying to do it. It is not as simple as saying I should just do it (I am trying so very hard and I have the receipts to show for it). I dont have any other place to show my frustration over the fact we live in a world that just doesn't get it. That's why I come here to express that, it is unhealthy and I wish I didn't have to (I hate myself for it and I feel bad) but how else can we advocate for this issue when no one is willing to help or assist.

I am sorry if you feel I am pushing you away. I am wondering if I should just back away entirely from forums because it doesn't seem to be helping anyone (and me). But I wish I could provide more context in person, then you will know the extent of the effort I have put in to be the change and be the advocate you say I should be. I have tried and tried but there is no one willing to help or engage in the service.

Maybe it's best I leave for a while and not talk here. I worry I am just pushing everyone away.

That's really interesting in that you are able to reflect on your thoughts (the thoughts here) and say that this is not really you. @Former-Member

I hear how much effort you have put in, trying to make things work. So if things don't work, I wonder if it's about doing something different, or don't try so hard? IDK.

I don't even know if really is a ND or NT issue.

Sorry, I don't have answers for you, but I feel that they way you post here can be very off putting - maybe it is accentuating the part of you that people don't want to see?

Would you consider using the forums to project the part of you that you WANT people to see and know you by? This is not to deny that you aren't hurting, but I'm mindful that the more you travel along this unhelpful neuron pathway, the stronger it gets.

Just a thought.

@tyme

No I think you are right, I have had an epiphany and I genuinely believe I might be my own worst enemy at the moment. I think what you said in that it strengthens the neuron pathways is potentially accurate.

I am going to try something this week and implement a more positive attitude. I know it sounds a little cliche but there is a lot to do this week and I think approaching it with the feeling that "everything will be okay" will be a better way of going about it.

Anyway, thanks @tyme for being around all the time when even when I am completely difficult. I think I have every good reason to feel frustrated and sad about my life and where it is but I cant do much more than what I am currently.

The reason I say this is because I'm neurodivergent too. It took me 3 years of therapy to 'change my brain'. If you met me a few years ago, I was a very angry, foul, and negative person. I was living to die. I was admitted into an outpatient MBT clinic where I had 18 months of intensive therapy - both individual and group therapy. In these groups, we practiced mentalising. We didn't explicitly get taught any skills, but about 6 months after the program, I realised my brain really changed.

It's so hard to describe. But since then, it's been onwards and upwards @Former-Member

I can't even pinpoint what happened. But I know there's been an incredible change.

I am no one special, but I changed. That's why I have so much hope for you even if you don't. I have to say it was hard work though. It wasn't without tears and fighting against how I innately see things in life.

@tyme

I imagine that would have been really challenging and painful to overcome. I hope I can get to that point as well someday 🙂 But congratulations on being able to do that, you must feel proud and liberated too.

Absolutely @Former-Member . Terribly terribly difficult. 15 years of absolute torture. I was sectioned in acute care many many times. I can't even begin to explain what it was like. Literally on the brink of death.

That's why everyday, I'm in awe that I'm still alive. I never thought I would get to where I am now. In a way, compared to my sisters, I'm a 'slow developer' in that I've always taken longer to get to where they so easily get to. My sisters are both married and one has 3 kids and the other has 2. They've got everything, and I used to question why they have things so easy.

Nowadays, I don't compare myself to them because I just know my path is different to theirs and I always take longer with eveything.

As for the neural pathways business, I have a teacher friend whose daughter is not good at maths. Everytime I see them, she always tells me that they are exercising their daughter's math brain to get it stronger.

I certainly feel this is the same with positive self talk. It is not about lying to yourself, but to have a recovery focus.

I'm not very good at articulating it, but I know it works.

I'm not sure if you are a reader, but a book that really enlightened me was, "The Woman Who Changed her Brain"... I know this is not seen as an evidence-based piece of literature, but I can say it really opened my eyes to see that how I see things is control by no one, but ME.