Never being in a relationship

Hey @Former-Member , How are you? Not good I presume.

I've missed chatting to you. But I also wanted to respect you in giving you space if you wanted it.

I'm here if you want a chat. Even if it's problem-free chat just to get your mind off things. I'm led by you.

@tyme

I believe I do not have the evolutionary fitness to be in a relationship and reproduce to have children.

I am routinely exhausted every day. I dont know how anyone else goes out and socialises. I am so exhausted I can barely get out of bed. What woman would find that attractive?

hi there @Former-Member honestly i've had similar thoughts about having children and being in a relationship. i can barely see myself dating/in a relationship, and even though i respect and love kids... i don't know if having kids is a good idea for me. i do look forward to being the fun aunt if my sis has kids.

a couple of my friends are sure they want kids in the future, but a lot of my friends are disinterested. do you actually want kids? do you enjoy teaching/working with them?

@rav3n

I know I can be in a relationship. I know I can raise kids and be a good father. I know because I do enjoy my job, I get a lot out of it my job and enjoy teaching the students.

I actually want kids. I actually enjoy working with them. Yet I cant demonstrate to any woman that I worth anything. Yet there are absolute morons out there who get all the women and have all the kids who dont demonstrate any capacity for growth or accountability. It is insane.

it's good that you know what you want @Former-Member i know a lot of people struggle to decide whether they want a family or not, and life happens sometimes that makes people change their mind too.

you mentioned that you feel that women don't think you are 'worth' having children with. has someone told you that your not worth starting a family with?

i do see that there are people who are terrible parents to their kids, and there's also people who would make amazing parents, but for whatever reason can't/don't have kids. out of curiosity, would you ever be interested in adopting/fostering a kid on your own?

@rav3n

I have never been told I am not worth having children with. I have just never had a woman actually say or show any effort in regards to wanting to have children with me. Like literally nothing.

I have considered it but that would be absolutely last resort. I know this might sound strange but I want to have a kid that is biologically my own. I just want it to happen and I feel with current dating world, that is never going to happen.

oh i see what you're saying @Former-Member what's the longest length of time you've dated someone? i ask because i wonder maybe its to do with not knowing a person long enough to have that convo? i do acknowledge that its different for everyone, i know some people who bring up 'do you want kids in the future' convo on the first date and then others who don't talk about it until they're months into the relationship.

but please know that a lot of the time, someone's interest in having kids could be more to do with them than the person their dating. things like fertility, job commitments, etc., could all impact someone's decision, and them not bringing up the conversation does NOT automatically mean its because of you. i'm really sorry that you've felt this way for a while.

and i think there's nothing wrong with wanting a biological child, everyone has their own preference. last resort - maybe a surrogacy sorta thing with an egg donor so that you can have a biological kid? i'm not too familiar about surrogacy stuff though but i wonder if that's possible though.

@rav3n

i mean I barely get to the point where I actually can have the convo. The longest I’ve been with someone was a year but that was 6 years ago now and the longest since has been a week.

the fact we are talking about surrogacy makes me incredibly sad. I feel like such a reject for that. I want to have children with someone I love. I actually want to cry. I’m such a pathetic mess

Awww @Former-Member . Sorry to hear how much this is hurting you.

oh nooo i'm sorry for bringing up the topic - definitely wasn't my intention to make you feel sad. personally i don't see anything wrong with surrogacy - there are some single parents who are better parents than those in a relationship, so to me - it doesn't matter 'how' you got your child, what matters is how you raise them.

you are NOT a pathetic mess for not having a partner or kids yet. you are worthy as you are, and it's okay to want those things too but don't forget to remind yourself that 'not having' does NOT equal not worthy.