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Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor21 Jan 2017, 10:46 am AEDT

Late start at relationships

Hey, hope everyone's doing well. I've been in a pretty good space for the last few months and haven't visited the forums in a while. Feel a bit ordinary for coming back to ask for advice when I didnt bother sticking around to give any in return. Hope you can forgive me.

So I'm 27, never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. I've tried internet dating a bunch of times and exchanged messages with girls but its never gone any further than that until about a month or so ago when a girl gave me her number. We've talked on the phone a few times and I even told her a little about my depression and anxiety which I've never really talked to anyone about other than doctors. I think a part of me wanted her to say she wasnt interested, to confirm my belief that I'm meant to be alone so that I could get back to comfortable isolation. But she didnt. She was kind and understanding and wanted to keep talking to me.

Since then I havent been able to stop thinking about her. If I text her and she doesnt message me back for a couple of days, I convince myself that shes moved on, found someone better and I'm miserable. Then we talk again and I'm over the moon.

I havent even met her yet, (we plan to in the next couple of weeks) and I know that at this stage all we are is two people just getting to know each other, nothing more. She's even told me that she's talking to another guy as well. I know that its the idea of a relationship, the dream of being in love that I'm obsessed with, I dont know her well enough for it to be anything else. But what I know and what I feel are entirely seperate things. Chances are she isnt going to be 'the one' and I dont know how I'm going to cope when it all comes crashing down.

Can anyone relate?

53 replies

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In response to: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 1:32 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Sahara. I have just forwarded all relevant emails from G to me to the manager of the forums. He started corresponding via email with me before June last year after I was accepted as a champ. After I was 'dumped' the first time, he continued emailing and started telling me he loved me. It's only now he has ceased all communications. I also informed the manager, the head of the organization has been informed. If this has no effect, I don't know what avenues I have left. Surely the organization won't ignore these emails. My only crime was to believe this trash.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

SaharaSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 1:55 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@pip,

you have done the right thing by going straight to the head of that organization. If you don't get justice, you may be able to report it to the Ombudsman or something like that. I actually think it is quite a serious breach of trust for this man to instigate a relationship with you.

That so-called manager and G are probably best buddies or something. Please keep all your former email correspondence with G, in case you need it.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 2:07 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Sahara. The guy in question has been with the forums 13 years, however, that to me proves nothing. As you say, the 'manager' is possibly best friends and rather than make a decision to 'dump' G he would rather sweep it under the carpet. The manager had originally vetoed any sort of private correspondence between the champs. Obviously G decided there was one rule for him and another for everybody else. I have retained all correspondence from G and fully intend sending them on if asked. If necessary do you know how to contact the Ombudsman?

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 3:57 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Hello @pip, Safe guard yourself and make sure you keep multiple copies of ALL correspondence. Print, USB, Disc or what ever. Just make sure you keep a copy. You are dealing with a forum that is all computorised and viruses may be sent via emails.

Be very care of what you open and have good virus protection, (I know some viruses can get past the best).

Take care and heaps of hugs.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

SaharaSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Hi @pip,

I think the organisation that can help you is the Australian Charities and Not-for-Profits Commission . I believe the organisation you have a complaint against is registered as a Not-for-Profit?

The Commission advises that you first file a complaint with the organisation itself (as you are doing now).

You can look the up the Australian Charities and Not-for-Profits Commission on-line.

A Not-for-Profit organisation must ensure it's responsible people "have complied with their duty to act in good faith with a reasonable degree of care and diligence".

I am no lawyer, @pip! I can only advise you as a friend. Just keep this information in mind, if you do not get satisfaction from the organisation itself.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

SaharaSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 7:49 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Heart wrote:
Hello @pip, Safe guard yourself and make sure you keep multiple copies of ALL correspondence. Print, USB, Disc or what ever. Just make sure you keep a copy. You are dealing with a forum that is all computorised and viruses may be sent via emails.
Be very care of what you open and have good virus protection, (I know some viruses can get past the best).
Take care and heaps of hugs.

Absolutely, @Heart!

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 8:10 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Thanks for the info. I will use it only as a last resort.

In response to: Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor24 Jan 2017, 8:27 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@utopia. Sorry to hear your friend has gone missing.
A couple of times when I've been really struggling I've severed contact with pretty much everyone for a while. If you think he may be doing something similar and it's not too upsetting for you. You could send him a message every now and then, let him know you're thinking of him. He probably won't reply but it might help him to know someone cares.
Just make sure you look after yourself first.

In response to: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 8:39 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades. Yes I think that is exactly what he has done. That's why I've been able to deal with the situation better than I would have thought. Maybe I'm in denial, but I believe he will reconnect when he's ready. I don't like how he did it. But I can understand the whys. Unfortunately when he cut contact - that messenger account no longer exists. But I have sent a message to his old messenger account - that he hasn't used in a long time - to say I miss our conversations. It is what it is at the moment. There's nothing else I can do. But wait. And I'm doing okay. I'm coping. So when are you meeting your friend?

In response to: Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor24 Jan 2017, 8:53 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

We talked about doing something this weekend. Fingers crossed.

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