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Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor21 Jan 2017, 10:46 am AEDT

Late start at relationships

Hey, hope everyone's doing well. I've been in a pretty good space for the last few months and haven't visited the forums in a while. Feel a bit ordinary for coming back to ask for advice when I didnt bother sticking around to give any in return. Hope you can forgive me.

So I'm 27, never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. I've tried internet dating a bunch of times and exchanged messages with girls but its never gone any further than that until about a month or so ago when a girl gave me her number. We've talked on the phone a few times and I even told her a little about my depression and anxiety which I've never really talked to anyone about other than doctors. I think a part of me wanted her to say she wasnt interested, to confirm my belief that I'm meant to be alone so that I could get back to comfortable isolation. But she didnt. She was kind and understanding and wanted to keep talking to me.

Since then I havent been able to stop thinking about her. If I text her and she doesnt message me back for a couple of days, I convince myself that shes moved on, found someone better and I'm miserable. Then we talk again and I'm over the moon.

I havent even met her yet, (we plan to in the next couple of weeks) and I know that at this stage all we are is two people just getting to know each other, nothing more. She's even told me that she's talking to another guy as well. I know that its the idea of a relationship, the dream of being in love that I'm obsessed with, I dont know her well enough for it to be anything else. But what I know and what I feel are entirely seperate things. Chances are she isnt going to be 'the one' and I dont know how I'm going to cope when it all comes crashing down.

Can anyone relate?

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In response to: Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor29 Jan 2017, 8:45 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Thanks @utopia. I'm pretty miserable but it'll pass. It always does, eventually.
I texted her to let her know I'd gotten the hint and told her ' no hard feelings' which is a lie, but I didn't want her to feel bad. I probably shouldnt have, she clearly didnt give a stuff about how I felt but it's done now and she could have blocked my texts too for all I know. I wont contact her again but I do keep checking my phone, hopeing she'll say it was just some misunderstanding.
Anyway, time heals all wounds. Thanks again for your concern.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 9:24 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades. I have been where you are. Re: being cut or blocked with no explanation. It's awful. But after the hurt, we do move on and heal.

I think it was lovely that you sent a message saying no hard feelings. It just shows your values. That even when hurt, your morals are still there. I understand the need to check your phone etc, in case. just incase. That too will pass with time. Try and take it easy for a few days. Nurture yourself and be kind.

Everything passes. And new beginnings are always happening. I'm an optimist.

Take care and I'll talk to you soon.

In response to: Late start at relationships

Oldm8Contributor05 Feb 2017, 2:34 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

I was reading this thread and it reminds me of all my struggles. I am nearly 35 and never had a girlfriend so @Kalliades I can say I have been where you are at a few times. But I still try to connect with people even though I have been treated badly and have misread situations before. It's ok to feel crap for a bit but as long as your still trying with different people that's better than chasing after someone who isn't interested for whatever reason.

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