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Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor21 Jan 2017, 10:46 am AEDT

Late start at relationships

Hey, hope everyone's doing well. I've been in a pretty good space for the last few months and haven't visited the forums in a while. Feel a bit ordinary for coming back to ask for advice when I didnt bother sticking around to give any in return. Hope you can forgive me.

So I'm 27, never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. I've tried internet dating a bunch of times and exchanged messages with girls but its never gone any further than that until about a month or so ago when a girl gave me her number. We've talked on the phone a few times and I even told her a little about my depression and anxiety which I've never really talked to anyone about other than doctors. I think a part of me wanted her to say she wasnt interested, to confirm my belief that I'm meant to be alone so that I could get back to comfortable isolation. But she didnt. She was kind and understanding and wanted to keep talking to me.

Since then I havent been able to stop thinking about her. If I text her and she doesnt message me back for a couple of days, I convince myself that shes moved on, found someone better and I'm miserable. Then we talk again and I'm over the moon.

I havent even met her yet, (we plan to in the next couple of weeks) and I know that at this stage all we are is two people just getting to know each other, nothing more. She's even told me that she's talking to another guy as well. I know that its the idea of a relationship, the dream of being in love that I'm obsessed with, I dont know her well enough for it to be anything else. But what I know and what I feel are entirely seperate things. Chances are she isnt going to be 'the one' and I dont know how I'm going to cope when it all comes crashing down.

Can anyone relate?

53 replies

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In response to: Late start at relationships

Unknown userMember24 Jan 2017, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Take it as it comes,whatever will be will be .

In response to: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor24 Jan 2017, 9:07 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades. Let us know how it goes. Fingers crossed from my end too.
Think I'm living vicariously through you at the moment. Lol.
I'm sure all will go well. You are already comfortable speaking with each other - this is just more talking face to face.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 8:34 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@pip, So glad you saved everything to a USB. Just remember to update and resave anything that is sent to you through out this process.

Hugs to you. So glad you are back, missed you heaps.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor28 Jan 2017, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

So, its over. Does it count as a breakup if we never actually met?

When we spoke on the phone last week she told me she was busy that weekend but was free to do something this one. I was really excited. Nervous as hell, but still actually looking forward to it. So I texted her yesterday to see if she was still happy to meet but didnt get a reply. She often didnt reply to my texts straight away, but eventually she'd get back to me and say that she'd been really busy and had forgotten to reply.

Anyway, I tried again this afternoon. Just made a joke about making sure not to text her in an emergency situation. Still no reply. So I decided to check her facebook page, everyone does it right? But it was gone. She blocked me.

She was so nice to me whenever we spoke on the phone. She'd said that even if we decided not to have a relationship, we could still be friends. That she wanted to help me get out of my comfort zone. I dont understand what changed her mind.

We had been talking for almost three months, and the last couple of weeks its been all I could think about. Now I feel lost and more alone then ever. Hope is the cruelest of emotions.

In response to: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor28 Jan 2017, 7:11 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Ouch @Kalliades. I'm so sorry it ended and this way.
Yes, it does feel like a breakup - because that is what it is.
Whether a love relationship or a friend relationship - it's still a break up. And still painful.
You tried. You were open and honest and trusting. You have done nothing wrong. She is simply - for whatever reason (&you may never know that reason), unable to meet or to continue to be friends. I'm sorry.
I know it won't feel like it at the moment, but you have gained far more than you have lost.
You have learnt to trust and open up.
You have learnt that you are capable of having a relationship.
You have learnt that you deserve to have a loving relationship.
Unfortunately it didn't happen this time.
I hope you have some support around you tonight, if you need it. And you will always get support and a willing ear, here.
Today, you will need to try and block oyt your negative self talk and doubts. Not easy to do - I know.
Some self nurturing. Eat your favorite meal. Put on your most comfortable clothes. Watch your favorite movie or listen to your favorite song. Be gentle with yourself.
Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

Unknown userMember28 Jan 2017, 10:39 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

I know Kallides,Hope can be a cruel thing as I said take care of yourself,at the end of the day you can do better,and deserve better.She did you a favour not taking it any further.When I broke up last week yes it's the hope that I hate that's why I just say "give it a go"to keep myself safe,didn't stop me getting depressed but.Keep posting to vent.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 8:12 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades, So sorry it didn't work out for you the way you were hoping. As @utopia has said you have gain alot out of this.

Sending you hugs and take care of you.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 8:13 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

P.S. Love you profile picture.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

SaharaSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 9:50 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades,

I am so sorry to hear this. I feel for you- it's a big disappointment.

One thing I will say is that if someone goes so far as to 'block' you from their profile but does not even have the courtesy to offer you a simple and polite explanation by text message, then they are not really someone you would want to know, anyway. It's absolutely her loss.

Sounds like she is just young and callous and has no manners! I would think that you have had a lucky escape from this girl.

And I'm not just saying that - 10 years ago when I was single and dating and sincerely hoping to meet someone special, I had lots of experiences like yours. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that this kind of thing happened to me over 15 times.... it's a bit of a jungle out there, unfortunately.

Look, she could be just extremely insecure and suffering some kind of terrible crisis that she doesn't have the skills to explain to you..... I suppose it does no harm to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I would not waste too much energy over-thinking it. It's not you, @Kalliades. It's her.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Kalliades. Just wanted to check in on you tonight and see how you are coping.

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