creative_writerSenior Contributor
I feel nothing
I feel nothing. I don’t feel real, I am nothing. Nothing else feels real either
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I feel nothing
105 replies
In response to: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@Koa30 a bit migrainey right now, hay fever isn’t helping. How are you doing?
I’m in Melbourne. What about you, if you don’t mind me asking?
I’m in Melbourne. What about you, if you don’t mind me asking?
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
I feel myself going back into a dissociative state
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
Hiya @Koa30 - I'm in Melbs too! What about you?
@creative_writer ach that's rough hun, did anything end up being helpful yesterday that you could do again today?
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@Jynx I had my pdoc appointment, hoping it would help me feel better. But I’ve shut down again. I went to sleep and woke up feeling more of myself, but it’s too early to go to bed just yet.
Maybe I need support but I self-sabotage and don’t reach out for it when I need it. He thought it would be a good idea to talk to my current psych about the detachment I’ve been feeling, but I can’t bring myself to, what is there to say or I give up, you can’t save someone who is no longer living (too numb for everything)
Maybe I need support but I self-sabotage and don’t reach out for it when I need it. He thought it would be a good idea to talk to my current psych about the detachment I’ve been feeling, but I can’t bring myself to, what is there to say or I give up, you can’t save someone who is no longer living (too numb for everything)
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
rav3nSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
hey @creative_writer i think that makes a lot of sense that you're struggling to reach out and be honest about the detachment you're feeling, especially if you're feeling numb. even if your psych doesn't have all the answers now, talking about your dissociation with the psych might be helpful in minding some additional grounding tools to help reconnect?
for now, is listening to those 8D music helpful?
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@rav3n is it bad that I don’t feel fully safe with my psych, I don’t know how to. I can’t be open, I seem to feel so disconnected from her, I feel like she doesn’t understand. I can’t help but wonder something is wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m running away because avoidance is what I do best or whether I outgrew therapy with my psych
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
rav3nSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
i don't think its 'bad' at all! @creative_writer you know what works for you best and this isn't the first time you've mentioned feeling like you've outgrown therapy with your psych - what are your thoughts around finding a new psych?
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
@creative_writer Yeah I'm with @rav3n, it sounds entirely possible you've outgrown your psych! It does happen, has happened to me a couple times now. What comes up for you when you think about seeking out someone new? Is it daunting? Exciting? Completely neutral?
I also vehemently disagree with the notion that being numb means there's no possiblility of making progress. It might mean there's a higher ladder to climb, due to having to pull yourself out of shut down, but it does not mean that it's time to give up. It's quite possible all of the burnout has simply caught up to you - you were nose-to-the-grindstone for so long after all.
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@rav3n @Jynx I think SANE’s guided service is a good place to start, I can figure out what my needs when I’m in a better headspace. Nothing makes sense right now, it feels hopeless. The thing about hyperarousal is you eventually swing the other way. Even my parents can tell I’m beyond exhausted. I’m even dreading my dentist appointment tomorrow, but better to get it out of the way before uni starts, and I’ll feel better once my teeth are cleaned.
It’s not just the burn out, if I’m honest, my Cptsd hasn’t been kind to me lately either. But I suppose cptsd may also be worse because I’m so exhausted. It’s multiple traumas including SA, being shut down for talking about SA and I’ve also been remembering the times when my parents argued and it got heated to the point mum got suicidal. It’s not her fault she couldn’t support me, she has her own issues. My attachment is far from secure, and I’m not saying my mum had a PD, but definitely has cluster B traits like many people with trauma do
It’s not just the burn out, if I’m honest, my Cptsd hasn’t been kind to me lately either. But I suppose cptsd may also be worse because I’m so exhausted. It’s multiple traumas including SA, being shut down for talking about SA and I’ve also been remembering the times when my parents argued and it got heated to the point mum got suicidal. It’s not her fault she couldn’t support me, she has her own issues. My attachment is far from secure, and I’m not saying my mum had a PD, but definitely has cluster B traits like many people with trauma do
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
@creative_writer aye hun makes sense, it all compounds hey. Oof, good luck with the dentist!! Just a quick clean or something I hope? Always a bit of a trying time, getting your mouth poked at hey.
Sounds like there's a few things all floating about as being things that are contributing to your current mental state. I wonder if perhaps it could help to focus just on one at a time? Did you ever get onto CASA btw?
