Red's house

@rav3n the next session will start in april/may

Im going to make a zombie costume this year. I'm not sure everything im going to make yet, I just want to have fun with it all.

Im feel the pressure of life and memories weigh heavy on me lately. I had a sleep paralysis nightmare the other day, its been a long time since that has occurred. I feel like I am just doing everything in my control not to think or feel lately, and its probably carrying over into my sleep.

Fathers day, and nrarly 6 years since a court case adds to my worries, dads birthday is at the end of next week too. Then mums birthday and the 2nd anniversary of when my stepdad passed away and also my T'day on the 1st of Oct.

I how how I seem to always be running from my memories and my past, but im scared to stop running from it in case I wont make it if it catches me again.

@The-red-centaur omg zombie sounds fun!! do you usually go all out with fake blood, latex stuff, etc.? have you done other costumes/themes in the past?

having all those anniversaries popping up one after the other would be pretty heavy, it makes a lot of sense that you'd feel this way. sucks to hear about the sleep paralysis, i haven't got them in a while too but i do remember how distressing it can be at times.

i know you mentioned 'running' from the past and your memories - i'm wondering, how would you feel about trying to 'sit with it' instead? it sounds like your carrying a lot of those heavy thoughts/feelings so to lighten the load, perhaps something like the 'dropping the anchor' technique might help?

@rav3n i ended speaking with 1800respect last night trying to lighten the load a bit.

Im hoping to arrange a mini holiday at the end of the month, im dreaming of a night in the desert under the stars and wild flower hunting. Im trying to get a few extra hours and travel with my ndis provider by cutting a few hours on other days to make up for it.

I find it hard to get out in nature due to my severe fatigue. I have never been north to the wild flower season before and I want to get put of perths light pollution, plus I have been in WA for over 4 years and never been to the desert.

@rav3n i have never made a Halloween costume before, usually i compile it from bits and pieces and a temu haul.

I want to be more creative with it all this year, I want to make it, I plan to get a bunch of op shop clothes, tear them up and cover it paints and get creative with make up wax and body paints. I have never done it before so it could be fun

@The-red-centaur good on you for having that chat.

night in the dessert under the stars honestly sounds like such a dream! i love it! i hear you about the light pollution, i remember travelling 4-5hrs out to the rural parts just to enjoy the stars - i can't wait for you to enjoy them too!

wildflower hunting sounds so peaceful. have you seen how people make a lil bouquet of flowers on cardboard? (here's a tiktok of it if you haven't: Cardboard Paper Flower Bouquet | TikTok)

i have my fingers crossed that you get to do this trip this month!!

oo yay! making the decorations and all would be really cool, i can't wait hear how this one turns out too. temu really has it all hehe. my friend decorated her house last year for Halloween - she used red cellophane on her lights to make it 'spooky' and had a cardboard cutout of a horror movie character near the bathroom that gave us all a jump scare.

hello @rav3n , @The-red-centaur 😊wildflower hunting sounds so peaceful sounds nice

Im going on my night away on Thursday. Im looking forward to it.

Saying that I have been struggling with life lately. Im not sure who to talk to. I haven't even been able to see my behavioural support coz she has been sick for a month or so. I have been disassociating and not able to talk to my staff about it. Pushing through is making me feel more empty. I went to play magic today for first time in ages. I left early as it was so draining, but I am also glad to see my friends and forget life for a few hours. Urges to hurt myself are gripping me the last few days. I haven't engaged in it but its hard.

I feel like the sound of silence is screaming in my mind.

Idk.

I tried to have a laugh earlier this week and do crafts to get ready for Halloween. But what is the point.

Im sorry ,I dont know what I'm doing at the moment. Life is going on, I am going on, but I am a void, a fog growing ever thicker, I am disappearing as it grows. Im scared I will suffocate. Im not sure what I need right now, its scary as I knew what to do for a while, how to deal with all the ickiness. Staring at the wall isnt enough at the moment and I'm not sure how much I can keep at it.

Hey @The-red-centaur, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you are going through a rough patch right now and I saw that you mentioned that your usual support is not available at the moment. I wanted to check in with you if you have anyone else in your network who you can reach out to or would you consider talking with someone on the phone to fill the gap? I recently learnt about a support line called Listen Well https://www.wellways.org/our-services/listenwell-warmline/ and it sounds pretty supoprtive.

We also have the SANE Guided Recovery program where you can speak with a Peer Support Worker or Counsellor for 15 weeks. You can check out the Guided Service here - Welcome to SANE’s Guided Recovery and decide if you want to pursue it. Whenever you are ready, you can chat to SANE’s mental health support workers who can assist with a referral, simply call 1800 187 263 or chat on the webchat at sane.org and let them know that you were referred from forums. They can help you with questions and check things like whether you have enrolled before or not. They're available 10am – 8pm Mon-Fri.

Love to hear your throughts about reaching out or whether you have done that already!

Take care

RiverSeal

@RiverSeal i spoke with lifeline last night. Did self care today, got in the garden and out in nature.

Im just trying to keep strong. Love myself despite the pain and all the shit. Im so fcking tired tho. Sigh

Anyways here is something i saw out today

That's amazing @The-red-centaur that you called Lifeline the other night! I have used them a lot in the past and it really helps in the moment.

I still face many challenges with my MH and gender identity and it is very tiring. I have had to accept that it is how my life plays out, though I do not stand for people who mistreat me or use the incorrect pronouns. I have little patience for that but it makes it really hard because I lose people and then I have to deal with that.

Stay strong!

RiverSeal