Red's house

Hi @The-red-centaur

I can hear you're having some really mixed feelings about how things are for you now in your life, where on the one hand you can see how far you've come, but on the other, each day feels like you're winging it, where it's difficult to do the things that are meaningful for you🌸. You also shared not having much support with this since you stopped therapy over a year ago - that all sounds tough🥀. It's great you are reaching out here and looking for ways to shift your mindset. You've also identified that depression could be playing a part in your current thinking. It sounds like you have good awareness of your self and hopefully this can help in deciding the next steps, and what other support might be needed too. Are there any in person supports you'd feel comfortable reaching out to?

TunedIn 🌿

I have support workers, but I am not comfortable sharing this with them @TunedIn

I also don't have appointments with my other NDIS supports this month.

I'm really not sure how to handle my thoughts and feelings at the moment. Also I have just started reducing some meds and withdrawals are really hard.

I find it hard to express myself and I'm not sure how or who to communicate my thoughts with. I feel confused and stuck. Fatigue and withdrawals is making it tough.

To be clear I am not having thoughts to hurt myself, I just feel stuck and overwhelmed and that my life is pointless and worthless and that the outlook is just going to get worse.

hey @The-red-centaur 😊

it's totally okay to be stuck on those thoughts, and i'm glad you're able to talk about it here. if you don't mind me asking, did something happen to make you feel uncomfy in sharing this with your SWs?

i hear how heavy the fatigue makes everything feel. you're doing your best with what you've got, and i have my fingers crossed that things will feel less 'stuck' soon. random question, but i'm curious to know if the weather plays a big role in how you energy level?

@rav3n the weather doesn't impact it much as far as I'm aware.

Is just constant, chronic, made worse by any kind of exertion, and if I do too much my brain just become a mush. Sleep doesn't even help, no matter how much or how little I get.

Even today, I put off showering til lunch time, and had to lie down for an hour before finally dragging myself to go much needed grocery shopping. Then this afternoon I haven't been able to function, I was there for like half hour.

And it's actually been a slightly better day today.

I spoke to my positive behaviour support therapist today about everything and how I feel so stuck and hopeless.

And the reason I don't share it with my support workers is they just don't get, dismiss it as just being tired and too lazy to do anything. I've given up trying to ask for their with it. I having been trying to tell them I've been struggling, im just hitting a wall.

Hey @The-red-centaur

The fact that you are still getting out of the house to do grocery shopping is incredible and a testament to the strength that you hold!

It is understandable that you are not feeling comfortable opening up to your support workers about your challenges if you fear they will think you are just being tired or too lazy. It can be really difficult to cope when we feel like our supports don't seem to be listening and don't understand us.

I wonder if it would be possible to ask for different support workers, or perhaps put in a complaint/feedback about your experience? Your voice here matters. It is important that you are able to feel safe and comfortable around those trusted to provide you with support.

It is wonderful that you opened up to your positive behaviour support therapist about how you have been feeling and that today was a slightly better day. I hope you found this to be a productive and helpful conversation and that it allowed you to take some of the emotional weight off your shoulders.

@The-red-centaur

i second what @pangolin mentioned! you've been working really hard and i'm proud of you for doing the hard things.

makes sense why you don't feel comfy sharing with SWs, sucks that they've invalidated you. you're not lazy at all, ugh that's really disappointing that they've said that. i do hope your behaviour support therapist was more understanding?

sending you gentle hugs 💙

Hey

I'm not sure why im posting again...I've been avoiding life, and anything and everything I can.

I'm lost. I guess I'm trying my way through the fog, here seems like a safe place to rest and start up again tomorrow

@moderator hey. I feel awkward making a new post. I've been away a while.

My mh is going to shit. Yesterday I tried to make an appointment with Medicare mental health services, i can't get an assessment til next month. I can't go to hospital coz I'm not actively suicidal and it's too traumatic for me. I feel stuck in a rock and hard place. I don't know what to do. I don't know where else to turn.