Red's house

@Jynx idk. Im waiting for suicide calls back web chat.

Its not the money. Im happy to pay.

It's just that no one want to accept referrals coz I'm too hard. Im sick of being rejected for help. Its pointless to try anymore

Hi @The-red-centaur I'm really sorry to hear this and I can completely understand that you feel like you are in a hard place.

I don't know if this will be helpful at all, but I am currently in, what sounds like, a similar situation. The psych I have been seeing for a while suddenly blind-sided me about 10 days ago, with an announcement that I was going to be discharged due to being too complex .

If I am reading this right, I similarly decided to try a different track and ended up in hospital after a fall.

At the moment I don't really have any words of wisdom. Just to say you are not alone. I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other I suppose.

That's so hard @The-red-centaur you don't deserve to feel like you're beyond help - and that goes for you as well @Till23

Have either of you been through SANE's Guided Recovery? I know it's not necessarily going to replace the kinds of supports you're both looking for, but as an auxiliary support whilst you're going through this process, it might be beneficial. I just know that when it comes to complexity, our team does not shy away.

Sending hugs to you both 💜

@Till23 that sounds challenging. Its hard when the people who are supposed to help can't help us.

@Jynx I'm not sure if i could do it. I have great strategies and doing better than I used to be. Its just the last month its been harder to continue with recovery. The withdrawal of services and now rejection from psychologists and denial of getting properly asdessed makes me feel I'm not worthy it to keep trying.

Talking to suicide call back service just made things more intense. Im sorry. I need a break from typing and talking about what's upsetting me. Im getting worse. Sorry.

I think you are worthy to keep trying @The-red-centaur

I hope you are able to get a good rest and can take as much space as you need

Of course @The-red-centaur do what you need to do. Know that the community is here for you 💜

@Till23 @Jynx thanks for the support earlier ,and thank you for listening.

Ive calmed down. Lying in bed listening to a comedic book helped me relax. I booked an appointment with my gp online for next week and we can talk about future options.

Seeing solutions is hard in the midst of crisis. Being patient is very hard at the time when our brains can't think straight and is flooded with neurotoxins. Clear, logicical thinking is something I pride myself in, but when crisis kicks in and my neuro-tantrums take hold, the amigdala goes offline and I lose my shit.

I hope the comments I made earlier didn't trigger anyone. I often don't think of consequences of my words and actions when I'm in pain (physical, mental, emotional, etc) instant release and gratification is hard to fight especially when severly fatigued.

Thank you for listening earlier. Getting though my emotions is something I'm still in the process of learning. Expressing, rather than suppressing, myself and my thoughts and emotions is a learning curve. This place as least gives me a way to express it all. Thanks 🙂

The more I think over things the more giving up and surrendering to a broken system makes sense.

Fighting and advocating for myself isnt worth the stress, fatigue and hopelessness I'm putting myself through. Recovery and having a good life is practically unattainable.

Saying that, i can still have good experiences and feel good, life isnt bad, but i can let myself stop trying so hard to function. Functioning is unattainable, I should stop dreaming of a time when I do.

Telling myself its because I dont deserve it is a warped view, but telling myself functioning is possible and I just have to keep trying, is also a warped view.

I need to accept that life sucks, but that's OK, and life is what I make of the sucky hole I'm in.

Hey @The-red-centaur ty for the updates! I am glad that you were able to settle a bit last night.

Sounds like you're finding some solace in tempering/re-configuring your expectations of what is attainable. I've been having similar thoughts about 'capacity for functioning' aspects of my life hey, and one thing that's kinda helped is to reflect on what my concept of 'a successful life' looks like. Why does success so often get described as like... having a great career (except there's only some careers that qualify, ugh) and kids and a house? I don't need to attain those things to find meaning and purpose.

How are you feeling overall about these thoughts?

I feel like i can't even do basic functioning @Jynx i guess that's why I qualified for ndis amd dsp in the first place.

I look at my functioning slowly deteriorating over my life, despite all the effort to get stable and get accommodations.