Red's house

If you don't mind me asking, does that mean you are not in a supported living space anymore @The-red-centaur ?

I know you had workers 24/7 before, but I'm also mindful you have recently moved.

@tyme the living arrangement has changed, im no longer supported 24/7. I have a support worker during the day, there is staff on site but not specifically for me overnight.

Oh, fair enough @The-red-centaur . Sounds tough. But then again, I'm mindful that in the past, you've mentioned that you often didn't feel safe talking to them.

Is this a chance to reach out to other supports to keep you going and help you find that strength within you?

@tyme i don't have any other supports. I have few friends, none of whom i can actually talk to, no family.

There are helplines. Im not suicidal gowever. Just feeling overwhelmed and mainly just alone.

My life has been a mess. I never let people get close. I didn't want to hurt or upset people so I just didn't let anyone close. I didn't want to burn those around me while I burned myself, I was too damaged to love, and made sure no one would try to love me either.

I felt life was never for me. So the less people around the less I would impact the world when I wasn't it.

I still find letting people in too hard.

I guess that's a long way of saying that thinking to back when I was a kid, and of now, the similarities etc. I was alone then, I am now.

I hear you @The-red-centaur and I can relate to that feeling of intense isolation and loneliness.

From my own expereince, the feeling of loneliness starts from within a person. That is, you have have someone with you 24/7 and still feel lonely.

For me, I had to come to the realisation that I had to accept myself and who I was before I could have others 'love' me.

I wonder if you feel a sense of acceptance about yourself?

No pressure to respond if you don't feel up to it.

@tyme idk.

That is hard for me to answer. I guess i accept parts of myself. Parts of myself I still struggle with.

I accept a lot more than I used to. And I have far more compassion for me and the lot of us than I have had before.

I find accepting my past and my past selves really hard. I know I am strong and im here despite what we've been through, I used to hate those parts of me who were hurting. I try to show up for them and show them the love and support they didn't have. I find showing up for me, the core of us the hardest I guess. Coz I am them and they are me. I am their pain but I am also their future.

I guess I'm not really alone, coz we are all here, we have each other and I'm thankful we have survived.

You know what? I feel that recovery is a life long journey and we will never 'be there'. I can't confidently say 'I have recovered from MH challenges' even though I feel on top of the world. I just feel there is always improvement to make.

But yes, I totally agree that you have made MASSIVE gains! @The-red-centaur

hey @The-red-centaur just popping in to say i've been thinking of you. hope your self-care is going okay 💗

Im in a hard place again. Sorry.

I want to talk to about it but I can't. I was rejected by some psychologist for help and I've been spiralling down.

I put a lot of hope in walking away from the public sector a while ago and turning to private sector has been impossible.

Im in the too hard basket and no one is willing to see me for even a pre-assessment.

I've been looking into how I could get the 3000 for the assment process. I had hope that life changing treatments were accessible.

My mood and hope are falling. I'd hurt myself recently for the first time in a very long time.

The changes to my supports is really impacting me too. Im not coping well and I'm not sure how to get back on track.

@The-red-centaur oh hun, many hugs coming your way

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

I am sorry that the care you need is behind a paywall. I could rant angrily about that fact for a while but I don't think you need any further convincing of how unfair it can be.

What do you think might be helpful for you tonight hun? We are here for you 💜