Red's house

@Jynx @tyme thank you both.

I'll be OK. Im just moaning and grumpy. I didn't sleep last night coz of the pain, lack of sleep never helps anyone.

Im distressed. But I'm safe. Just feeling annoyed and really sorry for myself. Im sleeping on the couch tonight coz my bedroom is next to the neighbours. And at least then I dont have to stumble to the room, I forgot how hard crutches are lol.

I just needed to vent my frustrations. Im trying relax and self soothe. I took my meds early so hopefully I sleep tonight. Ill distract myself with games and chats until I fall asleep.

The neighbours are fighting now 😞

Ugh noooo @The-red-centaur did you end up getting some sleep at all?

@Jynx very little.

They were fighting and partying pretty much all night. I dont think I slept (maybe an hour)

@The-red-centaur UGH noooo!! Partying is one thing but fighting is no fun to listen to hey!

Hope it is just a chill one for you today?

Im sick and have another chest infection. I hate when people come to work sick. I am imonocompromised and my staff dont care. I get ppneumonia easily uet they think working with a virus last week is ok, they had a minor infection but I can't breathe.

Im really overwhelmed. I dont have overnight support anymore. tonight flashbacks and memories and feeling are hitting hard. I have anniversaries approaching that is when my life went turned upside down as a teen, and things began the cycle of suicide and addiction. Thinking of those years, the destruction, the pain. Im a different person now, I have compassion for that girl now. Its hard seeing them (seeing myself) like that, and all the pain they felt, how scared and alone they were.

I kinda feel that rn. I feel alone.

Oh hun... hearing you. It sounds incredibly hard to feel so alone.

I've often acknowledged how far you have come in your journey, but that doesn't mean it's all smooth sailing.

Please know we are here for you. @The-red-centaur

@tyme thank you.

Its hitting hard that I feel like one cares or has ever cared unless they were paid to. (Or they someone I've never met, online) and that if i disappeared it wouldn't matter and no one would notice.

I understand you are all here for me at sane.

But its not the same, I can't just talk freely and empathy is hard to feel or portray with written language. I value this space.

But I wish sometimes I had physical people in my life. I usually dont feel lonely But its cold, its dark, im alone, im scared. The last few years I've been looked after 24/7, they've been there coz they had to be. And the constant presence of people distracted from the fact no one else is there for me in my life.