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Something’s not right

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I don't have a cool title for this.

I an tired and sick of myself.

So what do I do...I make it worse.

I was upset when I got home late last night. Instead of doing what I should have and just go to bed, I hurt myself and end up in hospital. Making the situation worse.

I feel like all my carers hate me. That they are tired of me and my risk to self. My carer is angry at me about the incidents of early hours of the morning. So many carers have quit because of me over the years.

That's not even my problem. I feel frustrated at myself that I am not recovering. And in the 15 years I'm battling self harm and suicide that the world doesn't trust me and my friends family carers dint trust me. I am not supposed to be left alone.

I thought pursuing my dreams and therapy would change my thoughts and behaviours. But I feel so messed and broken. Do I even deserve to pursue it all and even life anymore.

I'm getting so physically sick all the time because of my self harm. I'm just a drain on society. I should just quit.

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@BossBaby thank you.

My mum went home yesterday. The visist could have been worse.

I haven't been coping the best after surgery. I'm so tired amd can barely more. I can't lie down and even going to the toilet is excruciating.

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@The-red-centaur

Oh no!

I had heart palpitations for the first time in ages on Friday. So I am still definitely negotiating coping strategies with family and work.

I hope you can find relief from the pain.

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How are you recovering @The-red-centaur ?

Thinking of you.

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@tyme @BossBaby

It's been hard recovering from the surgery. The pain has been intense but slowly getting better.

I've been really sleepy and overwhelmed. Having a hard time adjusting to the pain medications.

I went out for first time today. We went for a drive to the beach. It felt good to get some sea air.

I have to take it really easy the next 6 weeks. No lifting, bending over, stretching, straining. I have to be careful going to the toilet.

I was scared I was getting an infection coz I started to swell everywhere. The Dr said it's probably just my reaction to anaesthesia and medications. It should resolve on its own.

Mentally I'm doing a little better. Mum is back at her home. My birthday is over. I just have to rest and recoup

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I feel down.

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Hey @The-red-centaur, sorry to hear that you are not that great at the moment. Please stay connected on the Forums and share your thoughts with your peers. We are here to support you!! RiverSeal

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@RiverSeal I feel so overwhelmed it all. My health isn't great. I'm still recovering from my op. My shoulder dislocated again yesterday. My blood count keeps dropping making me so tired.

I have a friends party this afternoon. I really can't be bothered going. But I know I need to go and I know it would be good for me.

I'm so over it all. I have thoughts about giving up when I get home from my friends. I don't want to do this anymore.

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Sounds tough recovering from an operation and your shoulder dislocating @The-red-centaur. I can understand why you don't feel like going out with these issues going on. We do tend to fall into retracting from people when we don't feel great and sometimes that isn't the best option. Connection is really important and when our mood is low it can be uplifting. What has worked for you in the past when you have felt like this?

Do you need to reach out for a little extra support from crisis support services and have a chat with someone? It can be really beneficial to speak to someone when we don't feel great and help us work through our thoughts.

RiverSeal

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@RiverSeal idk I'm just tired. In on my way fo the event. It's a bit of a drive. Might distract me.

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@The-red-centaur Hi! Okay so your spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I hope you've dragged yourself to the party and are getting something out of it, that you're not feeling completely powerless against the pain. I hope the swelling has gone down and no infection sets in. We will rebuild from this very tender, very raw place. Please keep taking it easy, as the doctor said. Keep directing your loving attention to any neglected or sore spots. We value what you can bring to this world from your warm cave of recovery!

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